October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month #BreastCancerAwarenessMonth so make sure you check yours and get all your friends to do the same!
How to check the girls
Monday, 12 October 2015
How to Check The Girls!
It is important to check the girls regularly! Download your FREE guide today by simply following the link provided below.
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month #BreastCancerAwarenessMonth so make sure you check yours and get all your friends to do the same!
How to check the girls
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month #BreastCancerAwarenessMonth so make sure you check yours and get all your friends to do the same!
How to check the girls
Sex after Breast Cancer
Sex after Breast Cancer
October is Breast Health Month. #BreastCareAwarenessMonth. If you haven’t had the girls
checked recently this is a reminder to get it done. It could save your life.
Whilst being diagnosed with breast cancer is traumatic enough the devastating
effect it has on your body is not the only fight you have on your hands.
Unfortunately intimacy and sex are often also casualties in the war against
cancer.
Breast cancer management often includes surgery, (a
lumpectomy or mastectomy), radiation therapy and/or chemotherapy and hormone
blockers. Obviously, all these
treatments have side effects that have to be managed, combined with this the
patient and her partner’s emotional aspects of dealing with a life-threatening
illness.
Most patients are too involved with survival in the initial
stages of treatment to worry about sexuality. However, after a few months, they
may be ready to restart their sexual relationship only to find that it’s lost
in action. So here are a couple of tips to help you recover.
Let me start by reminding you that you are not alone your
partner will step up and there are many groups and organizations you can turn
to for help.
Your partner may not have the disease but he is also
affected by the diagnosis. His fear levels may not be as high as yours but I
can guarantee that he is terrified of loosing you and has no idea of what the
future holds for him and the family. He doesn’t know how to approach you, touch
you or talk to you. In many ways this disease can finish off or strengthen your
relationship. The decision is yours.
Many men report that they don’t want to cause embarrassment or
pain which is why they avoid physical contact. We naturally jump to the worst
conclusion and thinks it’s because he no longer sees us as a woman and finds us
unattractive and so the vicious cycle begins.
Any cancer treatment will leave you feeling depleted. You
may lose your hair and have a mastectomy. Whilst reconstruction is an option
open to many it is not always available to every survivor. Chances are you will
experience menopausal symptoms and if you have had a bone marrow transplant
chances are you will develop ulcers on the vagina walls.
So now you don’t only have to deal with an impoverished self
image but a great deal of pain and discomfort too. Before you lose heart, be
patient, help is at hand and remember that this too shall pass.
Sexual health is an important component of everyone’s
overall health. Research has shown that those of us who are sexual have higher
quality of life scores than those who don’t, which in turn helps speed up the
healing process. Retaining intimacy in your relationship both during and after
Breast Cancer diagnosis is critical to your recovery.
Having sex again may be daunting but the first step is
coming to terms with your own body. A difficult task for even the healthiest of
us, but you have to develop a positive view of your naked self and you have to
include your partner in this journey. If you shut him out you may find he is
not with you at the end.
The ideal is that you remain confident and accept your
scars. This may be really difficult at first so you may want to start with
covering them up with gorgeous sexy lingerie even if you don’t feel like it.
Sooner or later you are however going to have to face your naked self.
Ease into it with mirror therapy. Stand in front of a full
length mirror fully clothed and have a long, hard look. Find 3 things that you
like about yourself. When you are ready you can repeat the exercise and now
remove a layer of clothes. Stand in your lingerie and finally do it naked.
Examine every square inch. Cry if you want to but find those 3 things that you
like about yourself. Concentrate on the positives.
The last stage in this exercise (and it may take months) is
to let your partner participate. Let them be the full length mirror. You have
to let them look and touch and get over their own fear.
Partner’s you need to react with care, touch if you want to
and don’t forget to ask how it feels, and how it feels when you touch the
scars.
She will feel like less sex than before the disease. Breast
cancer slows the body down. Many women have little or no sex after diagnosis
and during treatment. They just don’t have the energy and it is very normal.
Don’t let the myths of other people’s sex lives get in the
way of yours. What you do have to do is talk about it.
Before attempting intercourse it is important to feel
comfortable, relaxed and aroused. So concentrate on foreplay. Now is the
perfect time to up your game and learn some new techniques. Arousal needs to be
amplified so use aids like movies and sex toys or what about a bit of role
play. Use buckets of lubricant and if penetration is still too painful remember
some of the best orgasms are hand induced externally. No man ever said no to a great
hand job either!
Try a new position, on your side with your back to him is a
great one.
Practice getting into the mood yourself. Determine how your
body is feeling without him around, bring out your toys, it will help alleviate
the fear of whether you can participate or not.
If your breasts used to be a big part of your play, you may
have to find and explore new ways. Talk about the new sensations. Remember
neither of you can read the other’s mind, you have to talk and if you don’t
know how pick any subject and just start.
You may want to get third party assistance or write it down,
whatever is easier for you but get it done! The old you is gone as is the old
relationship. This is a good thing. You now have the opportunity to make it
better, more intimate, more meaningful and more orgasmic but it is not going to
happen if you don’t open your mouth and ask, tell and share. Beat the fear,
start today.
For more info contact me on Sharon@lolamontez.co.za
Wednesday, 7 October 2015
Monday, 5 October 2015
Friday, 2 October 2015
Judging the Basic Instincts Pole Championship
If you are a regular reader of this blog or my column in the
Saturday Star you will know that I recently took up pole dancing so I was
extremely privileged to be invited to judge the recent pole dance competition
held at Sexpo.
The organizer of the event was Juanita Fouche from Basic Instincts Studio and I know I am going to sound a bit like a sycophant but here
goes!
There was R20k prize money in it for the winner and winner takes
all! I have judged a couple of Pole competitions in the past so it was not new
to me but what I was impressed with was the efficiency and professionalism of
the judging process.
Every competition seems to accuse the poor judges of being
biased, the right person never wins and the complaints go on! Personally I am
offended if someone thinks that I would not apply my best effort and would be
shallow enough to let bias affect my judgment. (Just so you know when I judged
in the past if anyone I knew participated I excused myself from that round so I
could not be accused!)
This time however none of the judges except the organizer Juanita
knew who the contestants were or which studios they came from. I do however
know both dancers of the couple event and placed my knowledge on record.
If you'd like to learn how to pole dance, join a studio near you and if you can't then get Juanita's DVDs for Beginner, Intermediate and Advanced Dancers
Judging was done online and submitted immediately so we
could not talk to fellow judges or compare notes. The scores were then compiled
by another party and calculated. Each contestant got our judging sheets emailed
to them immediately after the scores were complied.
We had to look at 10 elements of the performance and had to
score them out of 10. The top two scorers of each evening went through to the
finals and the process was repeated.
I felt a huge responsibility, there was R20k at stake after
all! I think we did a good job.
So here is how it went – The judges were:
- Juanita Fouche – owner of Basic Instincts Studio and organizer.
- Ian Thomas Pursey – Designer and entertainer
- Qaanita Brown-de Bruyn – Model, dancer and media specialist - see her guest contribution below.
- Sharon Gordon – Me! Owner of Lola Montez!
The four Finalists were:
- Riette Dunn
- Nikita Smit
- Kessuree Srisroy
- Neroesjke Theunissen
And the winner
Kessuree Srisroy! Congratulation – you were fantastic!
A special mention to the couple who danced. It was special
and I don’t want to think about how difficult it is to do what they do together
on the pole! Rayne Pole Junkie and Elzani du Toit.
My Nights in the Hot Seatby Qaanita Brown-de Bruyn
Beautiful bodies, sun-kissed tans, high heels,
perfectly pointed toes, sparkly costumes, false eyelashes, carnival
music, feats of athleticism, pristine Hollywood waxes and pink poles...
This has been my life for the past three nights, as a judge on the panel of the
Basic Instincts pole dance competition, held at Gallagher Estate in
Midrand this weekend.
I was awed by the performers, who are able to command
their bodies to move, flex and contort at will, into the most
breathtaking manipulations.
As I watched them perform, I felt empowered in the
knowledge that these women were continuing to change the old stigma
of pole dance and taking it even further into the light, where it can be
seen for the magnificent form of dance that it is. A form of dance that, like
every sport, requires superior fitness, technique, flexibility,
core muscle strength and tremendous amounts of discipline, commitment
and passion.
I have been inspired by this experience and I dare
you to join me as I start pole dancing with Basic Instincts, where I hope
to rediscover my inner Goddess.
You can find me on Instagram, Twitter and Pinterest
- @spicedbrown
Don't let your first time be - wham, bang, thank you ma'am.
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