We’re all told to experience mind blowing orgasms we need to
have foreplay! I ask you with tears in my eyes – Who has the time? Is it really
necessary? And what is it?
Let’s start with what foreplay is. It is not 3 tweaks to the
nipple and then checking if she’s ready. It doesn’t just last three minutes.
The typical definition of foreplay is that it is a prelude to sex; it’s about
physical arousal, lubrication and getting the body ready for penetrative sex.
This definition focuses of physical stimulation rather than
igniting desire. And shouldn’t foreplay be about igniting desire especially in
long term relationships? Sex isn’t just about showing up. Sensuality and intimacy
are a major part of enjoying sex and avoiding the rut we can find ourselves in.
I think that Foreplay should be the mental play that happens
outside the bedroom and it shouldn’t always lead to sex. If it does even this
play becomes predicable and static. Foreplay should be infusing your
relationship with lust and a sense of eros, the very essence of the erotic.
So if foreplay is not about kissing, licking, stripping and
sucking what is it?
It’s finding ways to play with your partner’s sexual mind
igniting lust. It’s a word, a gesture, an action that means something sexy. It’s
about leaving seductive breadcrumbs for your lover to follow.
On my radio show ‘Sensually Speaking’, my guests came up
with some interesting ideas for foreplay. They have avatar profiles on
Facebook. It is in this space that they play out fantasies and because it is so
accessible they can play all day. Another is that he ties a red string around
her ankle in the morning before she goes to work, as a reminder of what is
‘coming!’
Massage is always another suggestion and I have to say that
if someone else suggests this I am going to scream. Let’s try to be more
original. How about climbing on the roof and watching the sunset or washing
each other’s hair. Technology has added an extra dimension to foreplay. Sexting
can be HOT! Sending me a picture of your erect penis – not so much.
Do you have a favourite that gets you all hot and ready?
Please share because to be honest, I’m all out of new ideas.
