Fabulous Foreplay and Flops

We’re all told to experience mind blowing orgasms we need to have foreplay! I ask you with tears in my eyes – Who has the time? Is it really necessary? And what is it?

Let’s start with what foreplay is. It is not 3 tweaks to the nipple and then checking if she’s ready. It doesn’t just last three minutes. The typical definition of foreplay is that it is a prelude to sex; it’s about physical arousal, lubrication and getting the body ready for penetrative sex.

This definition focuses of physical stimulation rather than igniting desire. And shouldn’t foreplay be about igniting desire especially in long term relationships? Sex isn’t just about showing up. Sensuality and intimacy are a major part of enjoying sex and avoiding the rut we can find ourselves in.

I think that Foreplay should be the mental play that happens outside the bedroom and it shouldn’t always lead to sex. If it does even this play becomes predicable and static. Foreplay should be infusing your relationship with lust and a sense of eros, the very essence of the erotic.

So if foreplay is not about kissing, licking, stripping and sucking what is it?

It’s finding ways to play with your partner’s sexual mind igniting lust. It’s a word, a gesture, an action that means something sexy. It’s about leaving seductive breadcrumbs for your lover to follow.

On my radio show ‘Sensually Speaking’, my guests came up with some interesting ideas for foreplay. They have avatar profiles on Facebook. It is in this space that they play out fantasies and because it is so accessible they can play all day. Another is that he ties a red string around her ankle in the morning before she goes to work, as a reminder of what is ‘coming!’

Massage is always another suggestion and I have to say that if someone else suggests this I am going to scream. Let’s try to be more original. How about climbing on the roof and watching the sunset or washing each other’s hair. Technology has added an extra dimension to foreplay. Sexting can be HOT! Sending me a picture of your erect penis – not so much.

Do you have a favourite that gets you all hot and ready? Please share because to be honest, I’m all out of new ideas.