Show me the way.

Show me the way.

'Nothing is better than sex

Masturbation is better than nothing

Therefore Masturbation is better than Sex!’

Anon.

I’ve always wondered if masturbation is an ugly word or whether it just has a bad reputation.

There are many words for it so I guess that other people don’t like the word either. Just think about it – It’s called, wanking, buttering the mielie, jerking off, patting the pink paddle – you get the idea?

Masturbation is such an essential part of our sexual repertoire. As a girl it can teach us the difference between love and lust. It can help us discover what we like and what we don’t.

Let’s face it that men don’t come fitted with a Garmin and they NEVER ask for directions and even if they did would we know what to tell?

If you know what you want and how you want it AND you could teach your other half just the right way – wouldn’t that be wonderful? Imagine if you could just say – ‘No Dude, you’re in the wrong place move a little slower, one finger up and two fingers across.’  

One of my biggest complaints is that men stick their fingers into you like they are testing bath water. There is just nothing sexy about it, not even remotely.

Which brings me to mutual masturbation. This assumes that you and your partner are comfortable with masturbation and then are willing to take it to the next level.

 Mutual masturbation is a great way to connect with your partner and learn what he/she likes sexually so you can give better, more intense orgasm!

We tend to think of masturbation as a solitary event, but it can also be a great addition to any couple’s list of erotic options. Simultaneous masturbation is an all-fun/no-danger way to share enjoyment and get to know each other’s preferences.

So how do you go about it – It involves the two of you masturbating in each other’s presence. If you are in the room while she is touching and fingering herself, you can understand better what she needs and what you’re supposed to do when you’re in charge and visa versa.

Does she like short strokes or long strokes? Does she rub her clitoris clockwise or counter clockwise? Does she like her genitals be touched gently or does she like it rougher? Pulling or stretching? Fondling or fingering? And what about your favourite vibrator?

All these little secrets bring you closer and help you facilitate each other’s enjoyment of sex.

In order for her to feel comfortable enough to do it while you are watching, is only fair that you do it too. She will love watching you masturbate as much as you like watching her.

Once you both get worked up, you can switch and do each other (this is called mutual masturbation). There are numerous ways you can do this, just use your imagination, your hands and your tongues. And what about your favourite vibrator? And whatever you do - do not forget the lube. It's liking adding just enough seasoning to a gorgeous meal.

The amount of pleasure that you can both get out of this is immense. After such an intense bonding experience, you'll feel more prepared and more comfortable about sex with your partner.

Shared masturbation can and must build trust. When you expose yourself to another, you must know that your sharing is welcome, that you won’t be ridiculed. It's a bit like being safe enough to share a fantasy. Give it a try these holidays. We all know that nothing really beats 3pm holiday sex!

In case I don't get around to another post before the season is over - Happy Holidays. May you remain safe and spend time with those you love. And if you can't - well then love the ones you're with!