Design Faults

My partner has just lost weight. Not a lot - he is looking HOT and very desirable but there is a problem. Along with weight loss across his tummy he has also lost bulk on his pubic bone and this has made sex a little more difficult!

This got me to thinking about design faults. One day when I get to the pearly gates (and I know I'll be welcome because I have made so many people happy!) I am going to have a discussion about design faults.

Women get a clitoris and for those of you who don't know - it sits on top and not inside. Theoretically not a problem but when you consider that most women orgasm from Clit Stimulation rather than penetration - you have to wonder.

Men get a penis and they think that the harder they pump the better! NO - it's the motion of the ocean and clit stimulation that does it for most of us.

Another design fault I battle to understand - it takes the average woman 15 to 20 minutes to orgasm, and if you're on antidepressants like most of the Northern Suburbs - 40 minutes. A man at his very best - 5 minutes! I ask you with frustration in my ...bones!

And my best of all - his P Spot - up his bum - really - UP HIS BUM!!

And why don't men vibrate? Yes they can hum, but not long or hard enough.

Yup it's going to be a long discussion. But now that I think about it I'd be out of business if these faults didn't exist, so maybe I should just be grateful! And on that happy note - pack out the clit vibrators. Watch my video on Clit Vibrators on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKXNcE56c6M

Would you have sex with Tuesday?

Would you have sex with Tuesday?

Tuesday is such a nothing kind of day. It has no personality, it just hangs around wanting some attention.

Let us compare it to Monday. Monday is universally despised but it is the day of new beginnings. Monday is the day we start our diet, we go back to the gym. On Monday we will get organised, get healthy or phone a relative.

Wednesday is Hump day, so of course we’ll have sex with Wednesday. Wednesday hints at things to come. Wednesday does not require much work and we know that after Wednesday the week is going to race to the Twins – the weekend!

Thursday is big mates with Friday. Thursday warms things up it hints at naughtiness and wild sex. Yup I would definitely have sex with Thursday.

And then comes The Dom – Friday. The bad boy of the week. The day that makes us want to be someone else. The day we experiment, do something different and ignore our responsibilities. Friday is so wild it is probably going to have a threesome with Saturday.

Saturday picks up where Friday left us reeling. Saturday is a bit bipolar. Sex with Saturday could be steamy and quick. It can be had in between the games on TV or the many chores that need to be completed or it could be slow and sensual first thing. Long afternoon play, with magical orgasms, stretching into the evening before and after dinner.

And Sunday is all about comfort sex. It is for cuddles and kissing. For recovering and getting ready for despised Monday.

But Tuesday? There is just nothing good to be said about Tuesday. Tuesday is the dork with no social skills. It’s awkward – If Tuesday was a person, I would definitely not have sex with Tuesday. On Tuesday I would have to use my latest toy. It’s new and very entertaining. It’s the Lelo Gigi. With Gigi I might make Tuesday watch!

Cougar - To be or not to be?

I recently did my radio show on Cougars! Something I know quite a lot about seeing as I am classified as one.

A cougar is an older woman who seeks sexual relations with considerably younger men. Typically, the term refers to women over 30-40 years old who pursue sexual relations with people more than eight years younger.  

In The Graduate starring Dustin Hoffman, the rule of thumb is half your age plus 7. Anything younger than that is inappropriate. Got to say, I agree. There is very little to say to someone so much younger.

  

As a Cougar my greatest concern has been the ravages of age on my body in comparison to his much younger, firmer skin. I have combated this by ensuring that I am NEVER on top – all that sagging is bound to smother someone and is bloody unattractive!

I do have a couple of rules. 

He must have an education, job and car.

He must be able to have a conversation with my friends.

He cannot play ‘Playstation’ with my child and

Pays his own way, picks up his own dirty clothes - I am NOT his mother. 

Whose car we use depends on where we are going and who has petrol! 

We’ve been together now for over 10 years so clearly I have something he wants and it is not my money! It can work. We just have to get over our own insecurities and bask in the delights available.   

 

For more insights you can follow me on Twitter @SaSexpert

Purrrr.

Fabulous Foreplay and Flops

We’re all told to experience mind blowing orgasms we need to have foreplay! I ask you with tears in my eyes – Who has the time? Is it really necessary? And what is it?

Let’s start with what foreplay is. It is not 3 tweaks to the nipple and then checking if she’s ready. It doesn’t just last three minutes. The typical definition of foreplay is that it is a prelude to sex; it’s about physical arousal, lubrication and getting the body ready for penetrative sex.

This definition focuses of physical stimulation rather than igniting desire. And shouldn’t foreplay be about igniting desire especially in long term relationships? Sex isn’t just about showing up. Sensuality and intimacy are a major part of enjoying sex and avoiding the rut we can find ourselves in.

I think that Foreplay should be the mental play that happens outside the bedroom and it shouldn’t always lead to sex. If it does even this play becomes predicable and static. Foreplay should be infusing your relationship with lust and a sense of eros, the very essence of the erotic.

So if foreplay is not about kissing, licking, stripping and sucking what is it?

It’s finding ways to play with your partner’s sexual mind igniting lust. It’s a word, a gesture, an action that means something sexy. It’s about leaving seductive breadcrumbs for your lover to follow.

On my radio show ‘Sensually Speaking’, my guests came up with some interesting ideas for foreplay. They have avatar profiles on Facebook. It is in this space that they play out fantasies and because it is so accessible they can play all day. Another is that he ties a red string around her ankle in the morning before she goes to work, as a reminder of what is ‘coming!’

Massage is always another suggestion and I have to say that if someone else suggests this I am going to scream. Let’s try to be more original. How about climbing on the roof and watching the sunset or washing each other’s hair. Technology has added an extra dimension to foreplay. Sexting can be HOT! Sending me a picture of your erect penis – not so much.

Do you have a favourite that gets you all hot and ready? Please share because to be honest, I’m all out of new ideas.