Sex on a first date and
other nonsense!
This article appeared
recently giving 7 PROVEN reasons why it’s okay to have sex on a first date. I
read it and thought okay I guess they have a point but I kept coming back to
and I know I don’t agree with a lot of it. So my comments are in red and I’d
love to hear what your opinion is.
At the outset let me say
that I have had my fair share of first date sex and in fact my present
relationship which is now in its 12th year started this way.(In my
mind it was never going to be more than a one night stand) So sex on a first date has a place.
I agree that is want to
have sex, feel the chemistry, don’t care whether you will see him or her again –
go for it. Because sex is sex, a physical act like going to the gym. BUT not
everyone thinks like this.
I do think we have sex for
all the wrong reasons not understanding the difference between love and lust.
Often acting out of lust in the hope of finding love.
So - here goes.
7 Proven Reasons Why It’s Perfectly Okay
To Have Sex On The First Date
Nobody likes first dates.
They’re awkward, they usually involve some kind of drink or meal
that you’d rather not share with a stranger, and there’s always that hesitant
question at the forefront of both your minds: Are we
going to have sex later?
Thanks to a lot of poodle skirts
and antiquated ideas about dating, first-date sex has become a topic of
controversy, with many of us still believing in the shameful stigma attached to
it.
Despite our generally enlightened
attitudes in this new-age hookup culture, we’re still viewing sex on the first
date as a make-or-break moment, leaving most of us to agonize over what the
right move is.
We’re so caught up in society’s
expectation of us that we disregard our own personal desires. We’re too busy
trying to decipher what the other person is thinking that we don’t listen to
what we actually want.
Why put all this power and judgment into the guy’s hands? And moreover, why would you
want to be with a man who judges women in this way?
Sex should not be viewed as an
exchange of goods, whereby women give it as a “down payment” on a relationship
and men receive it as a “thank you” for taking her out to dinner. And having
sex on the first date shouldn’t negatively impact your chances of a long-term
relationship.
So far I agree. Except if the guy you
are with is a player because he will have sex with no intention of a long term
relationship. And if want to add him a notch on your bedpost then go ahead bed
him well. Who knows you may be so good that he just has to come back for more.
Let’s strip sexual activity of
all its damaging implications and bring it back to what it is: just sex.
We’ve done the research and here
it is, straight-up:
There’s nothing wrong with having
sex on the first date. We’re not going to think less of you or judge you. We’re
not going to slut-shame you. And you shouldn’t feel apologetic or guilty. If
you’re feeling hot and you want it, then you should have absolutely no qualms
about going for it.
Agreed – want sex have it!
And if that pep talk isn’t enough, how about this statistic?
A 2012 Singles in America survey found that 55 percent of singles
reporting having had sex on the first date (66 percent of men; 44 percent of
women).
Let’s just think about this statistic for one second – if 66% are
having sex on a first date and only 44% are women – then who are the other 22%
of men having sex with? Maybe they are gay – possible I suppose.
What the statistic does not tell us is how many of those one night
stands turned into long term relationships? I’m willing to bet – not many.
People want to get it on, and
they’re caring less and less about when it’s so-called ‘appropriate’ to happen.
Here are the 7 science-backed
reasons why you totally have sex on the first date.
1. He won’t
think less of you
A 2013 Cosmopolitan poll found that 83 percent of women believe
men will think less of a woman who has sex on the first date. (That’s a lot of
mind-f*cking, ladies!) But the reality is that the majority of guys,
specifically 67 percent of those polled, maintain they absolutely don’t.
So we can now all put this common fear behind us — the numbers
don’t lie.
I’d like to know how many of the 67% went on to have a 2nd
or 3rd date with the same girl? Now do we care what he thinks of us –
not really! But know why YOU have chosen to have sex on a first date. Because
you are horny and feel like it or because if you don’t have sex with him he
will move onto greener pastures? Guess what – he will anyway.
Perhaps that skepticism is coming from your own insecurities
about having sex. “If you know that sleeping with someone won’t bring out your
best or will make you needy, it’s a good idea to wait,” says Andrea Syrtash,
co-writer of the book, “It’s Okay to Sleep With Him on
the First Date: And Every Other Rule of Dating, Debunked.” “However,
don’t wait because you think the guy will lose respect or interest. Wait
because of how it will affect you.” – Halleluiah!
Your decision to have sex is your own; it’s not about him.
Regardless, guys who are interested in you and want to see you will still
follow up and pursue you — especially after they’ve seen you naked.
2. You’ll
keep him coming back for more
Who says that having sex on the first date will turn away guys?
Have you met them? They love sex!
If you’re confident and enjoy what you’re doing, then they’ll be more inclined
to return for seconds.
Do remember first time sex? It’s messy and awkward and never really
a great success. So good luck with that – he may come back for seconds just to see
if it improves!
In this scenario, having sex on
the first date actually benefits you and increases your chances of a second
meeting.
Remember too that men are pretty
basic when it comes to dating and sex. If they like you, they like you.
As Jeff Wilser, co-author of “It’s Okay to Sleep With Him on the
First Date: And Every Other Rule of Dating, Debunked” tells Cosmo, “In the
history of planet Earth, no guy has ever said, “She’s awesome. She’s
intelligent. She’s sexy, and she’s into ‘Game of Thrones.’ There’s only one
problem.…We hooked up on the first date.”
Yes but he has thought – been there, nailed that – wonder what her
friend’s like.
3. Cuts the
sexual tension
If you don’t have sex early on, the pressure to have it builds
too greatly. Each subsequent date becomes a constant mind-game of “Should I keep waiting? He’s taken me on three
dates, should I just do it?
Maïa Mazaurette, columnist for GQ magazine in France, agrees saying,
“Because Brits and Americans are wary about when to move the relationship into
the bedroom it makes us more prudish when we finally get down to it.”
Ever heard of foreplay people?
When sexual tension builds,
you’re likely to become more awkward and over-analytical about why it’s not
happening. Think like a Frenchwoman and don’t be afraid to take a bite out of
that baguette!
4. Chemistry
is chemistry
Jeff Wilser says it best, “If
there’s chemistry, there’s chemistry, and from the guy’s perspective, it
doesn’t really matter if we hook up on date one or date seven.”
You don’t need to turn sex on the
first date into this momentous decision. If you both are into each other, then
there’s no good reason not to enjoy each other more.
Yup – but surely the chemistry will
be there tomorrow? So make sure it’s chemistry and not better do this so he’ll
love me or his gone.
5. They want
it!
According to the 2012 Singles In America study,
41 percent of New York men regard sex on the first date as “very appropriate”
or “somewhat appropriate.”
So don’t be hesitant on the guy’s
behalf. Chances are he wants it just as badly as you do, and he isn’t
condemning the act either.
MMM what a crock! Take one second and
read that again – 41% of men in NEW YORK.
Let me say that again that is ONLY
41% in NEW YORK.
So 69% don’t think it’s okay in one
of the most liberal cities in the new world!
6. You find
out if you’re really connected
Sexual compatibility is important
part of a relationship. By having sex on the first date, you get to establish
that special connection early on. And if it’s enjoyable, it’ll only increase
your attraction to one another.
“In this day and age, more people recognize sex as an important
component of a successful relationship, not something to be ashamed of,” says Justin Lehmiller,
PhD, a social psychologist at Harvard who studies relationships and sexuality.
“For those people, it’s important
to establish sexual compatibility early on, and having sex on the first date
may be the right move for them.”
Listen people I have had great sex
with absolute morons who I would never have a relationship with.
Find out if you’ll have something to
talk about on date 5 before you worry about sexual compatibility – and if
either of you are lacking in the sexual arts it can be taught.
But a moron remains a fucking moron!
7. ….You get
to have sex!
Even if you eventually find out
you hate this person, at least you haven’t wasted your time. Stop stressing
about how it appears and look on the bright side, you’re getting it in!
WTF!!!! Look on the bright side YOU’RE
GETTING IT IN!!! Who wrote this shit?
Philip N. Cohen, a sociology professor at the University of
Maryland, assuages all our fearful reluctance with some profound logic:
at the end of the day, it’s not about sex, it’s about your attraction to one
another.
HUH? Of course it’s about sex – is this not what the article is
about – it’s okay to have SEX on a first date – or have I missed something. If
I had to have sex with everyone I’m attracted to – I’d never get any work done.
All that matters is how much the
couple like and are attracted to each other, which determines how many dates
they have, and whether the guy calls back.
Absolutely right and no amount of sex
on the first date is going to change that. Hoping that he is going to be more
attracted to you because you had sex on the first date is just idiotic.
It appears that the
first-date-sex couples usually don’t last because people don’t know each other
very well on first dates and they have a high rate of failure regardless of
sex.
No shit Batman! So tell me again why there
are 7 PROVEN reasons why it’s okay to have sex on a first date!
What are you waiting for?
There is only EVER one reason why you
can have sex on a first date –
You feel like it and you really don’t
give a shit about whether he will respect you in the morning or call in the
afternoon. It was just for you, your body, your ego, your choice. Now what are
you waiting for?
