Orgasms - Part 2

Orgasms – the good, the bad and the great! Part 2

Last week we talked about the reasons you may not be able to orgasm, this week we talk about how to combat that.

How to find your Orgasm?

The right sexual technique through masturbation or with your partner won’t guarantee an orgasm, but without it the chances of having one go way down.

Fortunately, the right sexual technique to achieve an orgasm isn’t rocket science. What’s needed is the right amount of stimulation, in the right area, and of the right kind and at the right time!

We spoke about exploring your own body and masturbation last week. What you are looking for is a safe introduction into the pleasure your body can feel. If you didn’t succeed the first time – keep trying. Many sexologists will recommend a toy like the Wand to help you discover where your body can go. The Wand looks like a large massager and can be held on the belly button if your genitals terrify you. Once you know how to give yourself an orgasm it’s just a question of taking that learning into your sexual relationship with a partner.

So now we have identified some of the reasons you cannot orgasm we can try to help you along the path to great orgasms.

The medical complications are the easiest to deal with. A visit to your GP, tweaking your medication, sorting out hormone levels is relatively easy to do although many cannot talk to their doctor about the problems they are experiencing – it means you have to talk about sex!

We refer our clients to a sex positive GP we work with and if you want her number just give the Lola Montez Boutique a call on 0861 LOLAMO and we’ll refer you.

Sexual technique is another easy fix. We’ll talk to you about trying different positions, learning new foreplay techniques and how to communicate your needs to your partner. It does require you to speak about what is going on.

Try watching Yoni or Lingam Massage DVD’s available go to www.isexed.co.za to download some techniques or read the tips and techniques regularly shared on my blog - http://sharongordon.blogspot.com/.

It’s when we get to the mental issues that things get a bit more difficult to resolve. If issues are related to abuse, mental or physical we urge you to seek professional help and again we have several sexologists and therapists we can refer you to. We will also give you some sound solid advise and homework.

Homework starts with you coming to terms with your body. You need to start looking at yourself naked and while you’re at it have a really good look at your genitals. The easiest way to do this is to lie in an empty bath. Get your mirror and have a really good look at your genitals. This is much easier for men than it is for women. For men your tackle is easily accessible and you get to touch feel and look every time you go to the bathroom.

For women exploring your body, get your fingers involved. Find your clitoris and see how much it looks like a mini penis. Pull the hood back, check your inner and outer labia (the lips). You may need a bit of lube to make it more pleasurable. Check out your vagina entrance and if you’re brave enough insert your fingers and feel how wonderful, soft and velvety your vagina is.

If you are feeling too uncomfortable - stop. There is always later.

Repeat until you are completely comfortable with the process.

Then it’s time to move on – while your fingers are inside see if you can find your G-Spot and then find out what makes you feel good. Everyone’s body is different. Your special spot may be two fingers up and one finger over. If you know what feels good and where to find it you’ll know how to guide your partner.

Try to bring yourself to orgasm just using your hand. If you can great – otherwise keep practicing.

See which rhythms or pressures please you most. And then we recommend introducing a vibrator for extra pleasure. Try a Love Stone, Egg Vibrator or Honey Bunny.

If you still can’t find your orgasm bring out the big guns - The Wand referred to above. The shape of the wand is important especially if you have preconceived ideas about vibrators.

We love it because its vibration is so strong that you needn’t put it anywhere near your genital area to receive extreme pleasure from it. And if at first you don’t succeed – just keep trying.

But don’t chase the orgasm just enjoy the journey and the rest will follow. When you feel yourself starting to peak, finish the orgasm with your hand because let’s face it – your partner is never going to vibrate.

Now you know what you are looking for – it’s time to introduce your partner to the party.

Show your partner what you’ve learnt and guide him. You may want to introduce him to your vibrator and use the vibrator to get you close to orgasm and then let your partner take you over – win – win!

With time you will re-program your body and having an orgasm will be easier.

Remember your body goes through changes and what works for you today may not work for you tomorrow – so keep exploring, keep playing.

200 Orgasms a year can make you look 4 years younger. Now there’s a reason to orgasm if ever you need one!

Send your questions and comments to Sharon@lolamontez.co.za