Touch Yourself

Touch yourself.

Sex and masturbation have had a bad wrap in past 200 years or more. For some reason it has become associated with everything evil and perverse. It has been shamed, misaligned and even classified as a sin and yet it is still the only natural way we procreate and ensure the continuation of the species. Now whether that is a good thing or not is debatable.

I am of the belief that sex is good for you. This includes sex with your partner and masturbation.

I believe that it should be an important part of your health, relationship and personal development. I also believe that you do not have to have a partner to enjoy orgasm and that masturbation is a far better way to go than inappropriate one night stands. It is also the best way to discover what you do and don’t like and how to get to orgasm. It will help you understand your body and assists in developing a sense of self worth.

We Vibe, the world’s best selling couple toy, recently completed a survey in the US and I wonder how similar we are in South Africa? They found that in the US people were most likely to masturbate in the following locations: 41% - bathroom, 25% - shower, 19% - couch and 8% in the kitchen.

20% said that they had masturbated in a car. The most exciting news for me as a toy seller is that 82% reported masturbating the most during the winter months and at night. So ‘Winter is coming!’ now has a whole new attraction.

According to a National Representative US sample, 94% of men admit to masturbating as do 85% of women. I laughed at the comments listed at the bottom of the article. One in particular ‘The rest are lying!’

I don’t think we come anywhere near those percentages in this country, especially amongst the female population. Little girls are still shamed for touching their genitals and for enjoying their bodies. Watch a YouTube clip in which ‘The Cliteratti’ talk about the myths surrounding masturbation. You can follow the link to the clip on my blog, follow the link on the www.lolamontez.co.za site.

We really should normalize masturbation. I used to find saying the word a bit uncomfortable but now it just rolls off the tongue. Say it aloud until you stop blushing.

Masturbation is the touching of one’s own genitals for pleasure. It is something that babies do from the time they are still in the womb and is a normal and natural part of healthy sexual development. You can talk to your children about it and just like you potty train them and teach them to use the bathroom, you can teach them to touch themselves in the privacy of their own room or in the bathroom, wherever they have privacy.

If your daughters understood the power of their body and the beauty of orgasm she might understand the difference between love and a normal biological function. If she understands that that glorious yummy feeling is not love, she will make better choices and more considered decisions. I am willing to bet she will wait longer to have sex for the first time, will do so for the right reasons and may not marry the first man to ask her.

There are so many myths surrounding masturbation that has added to stigmatizing it. Myths that blow my mind in their stupidity. You’ll go insane, go blind, grow hair on the palm of your hand or become infertile! All garbage!

The truth is that masturbation is good for you. It has many health benefits. For women masturbation can help prevent cervical and urinary tract infections. It is because of a process called tenting and it’s too technical for me to go into on a beautiful Saturday morning. In men it can also help prevent prostate cancer, if you want to know how I can refer you to the research.

It can also improve your immune functioning by increasing cortisol levels, increases endorphin levels which reduces depression. It also releases serotonin, the happy hormone making you feel healthier and happier. Further benefits of orgasm include; reducing stress levels, reduces blood pressure, increases self esteem and reduces pain. Just so you know sex should never be painful and if it is you should see a sex positive doctor.

It is important to talk about masturbation openly and honestly. Talking about masturbation has its benefits. It promotes sex positive views in your home and community. It allows us to have healthier sexual behavior and attitudes without stigma and shame and how can that possibly be bad for you?

Thank you for participating in the conversation. Your emails and questions are much appreciated. Should you wish to ask anything or suggest a topic for a future column please email me on sharon@lolamontez.co.za.