Love it or hate it Valentine’s Day is here again and if you’re in a relationship let me give you a heads up… You may be doomed if you do but you are definitely damned if you don’t!

I don’t care if your partner says not to bother, it’s a commercial scam, they’re not romantic - make an effort. It doesn’t have to cost you a leg and an arm as my hairdresser Sam says.

I’m one of those unromantic women who couldn’t be bothered and even I feel slightly let down when my partner who I instructed not to do anything – obeys and doesn’t do anything.

So here are some ideas for Valentine’s Day.

This year Valentine’s Day is on a Saturday so it may be possible to let your lover sleep in for a little longer. Make breakfast, brunch or lunch. You can cook together or let your lover have the day off for an additional spoil. My favourite – coffee in bed with a piece of chocolate. Try www.delish.com for recipes to make your mouth water.

I’d like the romance to last more than just a day and if you are really broke – why not make your own love vouchers, promising to do a chore, give a massage, act out a fantasy or do some sexual favour that you know he’s being dying to try.

Chocolate and flowers are always a win, I just object to paying triple for red roses at this time of year, so add a spin. You can purchase roses that are actually panties folded into a rose shape and how about body chocolate instead of the usual slab?

Personally I detest going on a picnic. I hate eating on my lap or on the floor. Why not still serve picnic food but set a table with all the romantic trimmings out in the garden. Feed each other, the messier the better. You still need a picnic blanket – weather permitting you can cuddle up and look at the stars otherwise build a tent in the lounge and snuggle if the children are around or a bit more if they’re not!

Book into a hotel for a night of hot sex and room service. Pack all the goodies you will need for a night to remember. Sexy lingerie, an Naughty Night Kit, lubricant, condoms, a toy or three and don’t forget to take some erotica to read to each other. It helps get you in the mood and beats having to watch the awful programmes lined up for Saturday Night Television. 

50 Shades of Grey, the movie is being released across the country on Valentine’s Day. If the movie has as much affect on women’s libidos as the books did then many, many partners, are in for a wonderful weekend. Because I’m talking about Valentine’s Day ideas I’m not going to address the various views about 50 Shades of Grey – that is a subject for another day.   

Write a love letter, with a pen and paper – you don’t have to be a poet. Just tell your lover why you love her or him. Is it the dimple in his chin, or that she makes you cottage pie when you’re feeling grumpy. If you really can’t write your own words, you can always copy out a love poem. 

Make something that symbolizes your love for your significant other. If you bake make a heart shaped cake, you get the idea.

Why not plan a weekend away? You’ve probably blown this one already so present the gift as an IOU and then pay your debt. Don’t just make it common garden variety weekend away – do something different, go somewhere you have never been before. What about staying in a tree house. www.treehouse-acc.co.za or www.pezulu.co.za/treehouses

Do something that he loves and you hate or visa versa. It will make you feel holier than thou and me may be able to trade on this for a while it might even get you some very special nookie in unexpected places. Think about something you really hate doing and your partner loves – Going to the nursery and then helping in the garden, sorting out the garage, browsing – anywhere, shopping for clothes and actually watching her try things on.

I know this one has been flogged to death but it is still a goody. Requires some preparation but can be pulled off with minimum effort. The long, hot, wet, bath. If you are really into it leave a trail of something leading to the bathroom, chocolate, rose petals, naughty notes anything that is easy to clean up afterwards.

Valentine’s day can be celebrated in many different ways, whether you are in a relationship or not. I think it’s the one holiday that has to include an orgasm at the very least. Play if only for 10 minutes it will do you the world of good.