Oral Sex 101 - the toned down version

Whenever we have a ladies night with the theme ‘How to give the perfect BJ’, the event sells out. It would seem, to women, that giving oral pleasure is one of the techniques in our arsenal that we feel relatively insecure about.

When we offer a similar event for men, guess what the bookings are like – None, I lie, maybe one!

So why do woman believe that they know nothing and wish to learn and men don’t?

Is it an ego thing with men? Do you believe that you know everything (learnt from porn naturally) or do you know your skills are lacking but are too macho to admit it or to attend a function where you will learn how to do something sexual in front of other men?

The oral question also features high on the questions women ask at another evening we host called ‘Inside his dirty mind’.

So what is this obsession? If we go back to the original sex manual – The Karma Sutra, the pleasures of oral sex were not encouraged. Remember that the caste system was very strong when the Karma Sutra was written. Men were encouraged only to experience oral sex with women of a lower caste! It was considered a vile act with someone of your own standing.

When I talk to women of the night they confirm that most of their clients want oral sex more than any other sexual act. This could be happening for many reasons and the ones that come to mind are – partners are doing it wrong, partners won’t participate or it’s just better getting it from someone who isn’t your partner.

When it comes to women receiving oral pleasure, insecurities that you didn’t even know you had come creeping out. Do I taste funny? Is my pubic hair trimmed in the right way and let’s not talk about smells. I can guarantee that none of these questions will cross a man’s mind.

So why is that? I know that I have heard one too many fish jokes to feel comfortable with my crotch. Do men really think that fish jokes are funny and do they believe that they smell as fresh as Staysoft? So from today NO MORE fish jokes! You’re screwing with our pleasure.

Women have also been lead to believe that their genitals are ugly, that if their labia are not sweet little tucks – like porn stars, then best they are kept tucked away from sight. No wonder we have so many hang ups. For those of you who don’t know – your genitals, like your face is unique to you. Yes we all have the same set of tools but the look, feel and setting is a bit different. Men know this because unlike women they can see their genitals every time they go to the bathroom. They compare, they measure and discuss. They know they are not hung like Brad Armstrong, so why do they expect my nether region to look like Jenna Jameson?

Did you know that the average woman will only look at her genitals after the birth of her first child, and then it’s really isn’t that pretty. Think about that for one second guys. Imagine never having seen the one part of your body that is going to be responsible for most of your pleasure until after the birth of your first child? Mind blowing!

Many many women have no idea where the clitoris, G-Spot or perineum is. And did you know that a penis has a frenulum? It’s the most sensitive spot on the penis. If you have no idea what I’m talking about I have fantastic drawings of male and female genitals with labels in my book ‘Play Together‘ (available on Amazon Kindle Books), or you could just Google it – be prepared for what you’ll find.

I digress, back to oral sex. How to give and how to receive, both male and female, does require some technique, practice and guidance. Follow instructions, listen for clues that you are doing something right or wrong. Plan an evening of practice with no other agenda but learning how to please your partner in this most intimate of acts.

This may be incredibly uncomfortable at first. So why not start with kissing on the mouth. Simulating what you think will feel good. Experiment with different pressures, use the breath. Play.

Discuss why this technique is important to you. Why you want to or why you don’t. It all leads to a better understanding of your body and your psyche. It will inevitably lead to increased intimacy.

Whenever I talk about oral sex I am reminded of a joke – no not a fish joke, I heard before I got married.

A groom is standing at the front of the church with the biggest smile on his face. The Best Man comments that the Groom looks like the happiest man on the planet. The Groom replies ‘I am. I’m marrying a woman who gives the best blow job ever!’ Lucky man indeed.

In the vestry, the Bride is adding the last touches to her make up with the biggest smile on her face. The Bridesmaid comments on how happy the Bride looks. The Bride’s reply, ‘Of course I’m happy, I’ve just given my last blow job!’ 

If you would like to learn oral techniques, that are a lot more graphic than is allowed in this column, then go to my blog. I give you a blow by blow account. Stay sexy till next week.