Whenever we have a ladies night with the theme ‘How to give
the perfect BJ’, the event sells out. It would seem, to women, that giving oral
pleasure is one of the techniques in our arsenal that we feel relatively
insecure about.
When we offer a similar event for men, guess what the
bookings are like – None, I lie, maybe one!
So why do woman believe that they know nothing and wish to
learn and men don’t?
Is it an ego thing with men? Do you believe that you know
everything (learnt from porn naturally) or do you know your skills are lacking
but are too macho to admit it or to attend a function where you will learn how
to do something sexual in front of other men?
The oral question also features high on the questions women
ask at another evening we host called ‘Inside his dirty mind’.
So what is this obsession? If we go back to the original sex
manual – The Karma Sutra, the pleasures of oral sex were not encouraged.
Remember that the caste system was very strong when the Karma Sutra was
written. Men were encouraged only to experience oral sex with women of a lower
caste! It was considered a vile act with someone of your own standing.
When I talk to women of the night they confirm that most of
their clients want oral sex more than any other sexual act. This could be
happening for many reasons and the ones that come to mind are – partners are
doing it wrong, partners won’t participate or it’s just better getting it from
someone who isn’t your partner.
When it comes to women receiving oral pleasure, insecurities
that you didn’t even know you had come creeping out. Do I taste funny? Is my
pubic hair trimmed in the right way and let’s not talk about smells. I can
guarantee that none of these questions will cross a man’s mind.
So why is that? I know that I have heard one too many fish
jokes to feel comfortable with my crotch. Do men really think that fish jokes
are funny and do they believe that they smell as fresh as Staysoft? So from
today NO MORE fish jokes! You’re screwing with our pleasure.
Women have also been lead to believe that their genitals are
ugly, that if their labia are not sweet little tucks – like porn stars, then
best they are kept tucked away from sight. No wonder we have so many hang ups. For
those of you who don’t know – your genitals, like your face is unique to you.
Yes we all have the same set of tools but the look, feel and setting is a bit
different. Men know this because unlike women they can see their genitals every
time they go to the bathroom. They compare, they measure and discuss. They know
they are not hung like Brad Armstrong, so why do they expect my nether region
to look like Jenna Jameson?
Did you know that the average woman will only look at her
genitals after the birth of her first child, and then it’s really isn’t that
pretty. Think about that for one second guys. Imagine never having seen the one
part of your body that is going to be responsible for most of your pleasure
until after the birth of your first child? Mind blowing!
Many many women have no idea where the clitoris, G-Spot or
perineum is. And did you know that a penis has a frenulum? It’s the most
sensitive spot on the penis. If you have no idea what I’m talking about I have
fantastic drawings of male and female genitals with labels in my book ‘Play
Together‘ (available on Amazon Kindle Books), or you could just Google it – be
prepared for what you’ll find.
I digress, back to oral sex. How to give and how to receive,
both male and female, does require some technique, practice and guidance.
Follow instructions, listen for clues that you are doing something right or
wrong. Plan an evening of practice with no other agenda but learning how to
please your partner in this most intimate of acts.
This may be incredibly uncomfortable at first. So why not
start with kissing on the mouth. Simulating what you think will feel good.
Experiment with different pressures, use the breath. Play.
Discuss why this technique is important to you. Why you want
to or why you don’t. It all leads to a better understanding of your body and
your psyche. It will inevitably lead to increased intimacy.
Whenever I talk about oral sex I am reminded of a joke – no
not a fish joke, I heard before I got married.
A groom is standing at the front of the church with the
biggest smile on his face. The Best Man comments that the Groom looks like the
happiest man on the planet. The Groom replies ‘I am. I’m marrying a woman who
gives the best blow job ever!’ Lucky man indeed.
In the vestry, the Bride is adding the last touches to her
make up with the biggest smile on her face. The Bridesmaid comments on how
happy the Bride looks. The Bride’s reply, ‘Of course I’m happy, I’ve just given
my last blow job!’
If you would like to learn oral techniques, that are a lot
more graphic than is allowed in this column, then go to my blog. I give you a blow by blow account. Stay sexy till
next week.
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