Oral Sex 101 - the toned down version

Whenever we have a ladies night with the theme ‘How to give the perfect BJ’, the event sells out. It would seem, to women, that giving oral pleasure is one of the techniques in our arsenal that we feel relatively insecure about.

When we offer a similar event for men, guess what the bookings are like – None, I lie, maybe one!

So why do woman believe that they know nothing and wish to learn and men don’t?

Is it an ego thing with men? Do you believe that you know everything (learnt from porn naturally) or do you know your skills are lacking but are too macho to admit it or to attend a function where you will learn how to do something sexual in front of other men?

The oral question also features high on the questions women ask at another evening we host called ‘Inside his dirty mind’.

So what is this obsession? If we go back to the original sex manual – The Karma Sutra, the pleasures of oral sex were not encouraged. Remember that the caste system was very strong when the Karma Sutra was written. Men were encouraged only to experience oral sex with women of a lower caste! It was considered a vile act with someone of your own standing.

When I talk to women of the night they confirm that most of their clients want oral sex more than any other sexual act. This could be happening for many reasons and the ones that come to mind are – partners are doing it wrong, partners won’t participate or it’s just better getting it from someone who isn’t your partner.

When it comes to women receiving oral pleasure, insecurities that you didn’t even know you had come creeping out. Do I taste funny? Is my pubic hair trimmed in the right way and let’s not talk about smells. I can guarantee that none of these questions will cross a man’s mind.

So why is that? I know that I have heard one too many fish jokes to feel comfortable with my crotch. Do men really think that fish jokes are funny and do they believe that they smell as fresh as Staysoft? So from today NO MORE fish jokes! You’re screwing with our pleasure.

Women have also been lead to believe that their genitals are ugly, that if their labia are not sweet little tucks – like porn stars, then best they are kept tucked away from sight. No wonder we have so many hang ups. For those of you who don’t know – your genitals, like your face is unique to you. Yes we all have the same set of tools but the look, feel and setting is a bit different. Men know this because unlike women they can see their genitals every time they go to the bathroom. They compare, they measure and discuss. They know they are not hung like Brad Armstrong, so why do they expect my nether region to look like Jenna Jameson?

Did you know that the average woman will only look at her genitals after the birth of her first child, and then it’s really isn’t that pretty. Think about that for one second guys. Imagine never having seen the one part of your body that is going to be responsible for most of your pleasure until after the birth of your first child? Mind blowing!

Many many women have no idea where the clitoris, G-Spot or perineum is. And did you know that a penis has a frenulum? It’s the most sensitive spot on the penis. If you have no idea what I’m talking about I have fantastic drawings of male and female genitals with labels in my book ‘Play Together‘ (available on Amazon Kindle Books), or you could just Google it – be prepared for what you’ll find.

I digress, back to oral sex. How to give and how to receive, both male and female, does require some technique, practice and guidance. Follow instructions, listen for clues that you are doing something right or wrong. Plan an evening of practice with no other agenda but learning how to please your partner in this most intimate of acts.

This may be incredibly uncomfortable at first. So why not start with kissing on the mouth. Simulating what you think will feel good. Experiment with different pressures, use the breath. Play.

Discuss why this technique is important to you. Why you want to or why you don’t. It all leads to a better understanding of your body and your psyche. It will inevitably lead to increased intimacy.

Whenever I talk about oral sex I am reminded of a joke – no not a fish joke, I heard before I got married.

A groom is standing at the front of the church with the biggest smile on his face. The Best Man comments that the Groom looks like the happiest man on the planet. The Groom replies ‘I am. I’m marrying a woman who gives the best blow job ever!’ Lucky man indeed.

In the vestry, the Bride is adding the last touches to her make up with the biggest smile on her face. The Bridesmaid comments on how happy the Bride looks. The Bride’s reply, ‘Of course I’m happy, I’ve just given my last blow job!’ 

If you would like to learn oral techniques, that are a lot more graphic than is allowed in this column, then go to my blog. I give you a blow by blow account. Stay sexy till next week.

Oral Sex 101

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The Best Oral Sex and How to get it!

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Oral Sex Positions - 4

We all deserve the best blow job ever! Try all the positions I've shared with you over the past week. These are the last two in our arsenal!

On The Edge Of The Bed

You can use the edge of the bed during cunnilingus easily. The bed is a great tool to use if you want to get into different oral sex positions, because it’s height, size and shape is perfect. However, remember that you don’t always both need to be on the bed to utilize it. Have your partner lie down on the bed with his head as close to the edge as possible. In fact, he may need to scoot up enough so that most of his head is actually off the bed. You’re going to come in and straddle his face while standing!

Variation: Prop one of your legs up on the bed and lower yourself down onto his face. This may be a little difficult for you to do, but the end result is worth it! He’ll love the full view of your vulva above him!

The New “Woman On Top”

While sixty-nine is a great way to both give and receive oral sex at the same time, if a woman just wants to receive (or a guy just wants to give), this is probably not the way to go. Instead, the woman will lie on top of the man facing the ceiling, scooting her genitals up to his face. Her head will probably rest on or close to his penis, but this one is all about her!

Variation: Lift up your legs to expose your anus to your partner for anal play!

Hope you've enjoyed the tips now go and try them all - Let me know which ones worked best for you.

More Positions for the Best Oral Sex - 3

Next in our series of delicious positions.

A New Twist On Oral Sex - Missionary.

The missionary version of oral sex positions is where the woman is lying down and the man lies on his stomach with his face buried deep in between her legs. While this is an excellent way to reach orgasm during oral sex – after all, there’s a reason it’s considered a “classic” – there are different things you can do with it to make it even more fun. After you lie down, bring your legs together and then raise them up, bringing your knees close to your stomach. Your legs should still be together. This allows your man to come up underneath your legs and lick your vulva. Have him bury his tongue deep in your folds, because light licking isn’t going to do the trick here with your legs pressed together.

Variation: Rest your legs on his shoulders when you get tired of holding them up. This will make it easier for him to go down on you, and it will be more comfortable for you when you get closer and closer to orgasm.

Sitting…On His Face

You’ve probably heard of this one, but it’s not played out just yet. Sitting on a man’s face is incredibly erotic for a woman, especially if she’s into domination and he’s into submission. After giving your man a blowjob with him lying down, crawl up his body and plant your genitals right on his face. He’ll love the idea of you grinding against his face while he’s eating you out.

Variation: Do a “reverse cowgirl” sort of move and face his feet instead. This is a great way to do it if you both love anal play, or at least don’t mind it.

Last two positions tomorrow - Don't miss it!

Best Positions for Oral Sex 2

Read yesterday's blog for the first two positions that make cunnilingus delicious. 

Here are two more:

Sitting With Legs Spread Wide

Sit up on a couch or chair and spread your legs as wide as you can, making your entire genital area open to your partner. Have him kneel down or sit on the floor, about eye level with your vulva. He can reach you easily this way, both with his mouth and his hands – which comes in “handy” for fingering. This is actually a very comfortable position for both you and your partner, provided that you’re both at the right level. If either of you is stretching up or hunched down to get in this position, try to find another chair or place to sit where you can be more comfortable.

Variation: Try spreading your vaginal lips with your fingers while your partner goes down on you. Not only will he love having full access to your lady parts, he’ll also love how unabashed and naughty this move is.

On The Side

This too is one of the most comfortable oral sex positions both for the giver and the receiver. Lie on your side on the bed or couch and have your partner lie upside down behind you. He should be facing your rear. Lift up the leg that is not on the bed and hold it high either with your hands or with some kind of restraint (which could be even more fun with a little bondage!) He’s going to slide his head in between your legs, bringing his face around to meet your genitals. He can rest his head and neck on your thigh while he eats you out.

Variation: Once he’s going down on you, release your leg and rest it on his shoulders. This gives him less access to your vulva, but it does give your leg a rest!

Even more positions coming tomorrow!

Positions for the Best Oral Sex

I'm always writing about how we (the fairer sex) can improve their techniques for their partner's maximum pleasure. So today we change it around. These positions are perfect for oral sex on us girls!

I'm also going to cheat. There is absolutely no reason to reinvent the wheel so what you are about to read was written by Kaylen Jackson. 

Oral sex can get boring for women if she’s always lying down to receive. While oral sex is great in just about every shape or form, you can really heat things up with different oral sex positions. In fact, when your partner is going down on you in a variety of different ways, the same moves and techniques can actually feel totally different. Try these new oral sex positions to make him going down on you a lot more fun!

Standing Up

Guys will often get a blowjob standing up – but because a woman’s genitals don’t “stick out” like a man’s does, a woman doesn’t often get to stand while receiving oral sex. Next time your man goes down on you, suggest that he goes “up” on you instead! Stand over his head and let him come up underneath you to pleasure you with his mouth.

Variation: Prop your leg up on a table or a chair to allow him full and total access to your genitals. He’ll love being able to really see what he’s doing down there!

Down And Dirty Doggy Style

If your guy doesn’t mind being close to your back door entrance – or if he enjoys giving you analingus at the same time he’s going down on you – doggy style is definitely right up your alley. Kneel on all fours just as you would if you and your partner were going to have sex and he’s going to enter you from behind. Instead of penetrating you with his penis, he’ll actually bring his face down there and lick and suck you from behind. Seriously though, if your guy is back door shy, stay away from this one.

Variation: Have him flip over on his back and slide up underneath you, facing your genitals. He can give you oral sex this way, without being so involved with your behind.

Two more great positions tomorrow - tell your friends!

Top tips to being the Oral Sex Goddess!

It’s a Gift

This may come as a surprise but oral sex is a gift, not an obligation and as with any gift, if you don't enjoy giving it, the value is greatly diminished. So either reconsider or learn some techniques that will make it pleasurable.

Since it is a gift, you are the one making the choices. You are not obligated to do any particular technique or to allow him to use you as an object.

Some men grab onto a woman's head during oral sex and start thrusting. If you don't like something he's doing, let him know and move on to something else. This is your gift.

The Goddess is in Charge

Part of what really turns a man on about oral sex is that he is giving up control to someone else. A large part of the sexual experience is that exchange of power. When it comes to sex, women don’t often realise it but they have an enormous amount of power.

So, as you perform oral sex make sure that he knows that you are in charge of the process, that you are confident in your ability to bring him to orgasm on your terms and your timing, and that he can trust you to give him a better orgasm than he's ever had before.

Men Are Visual Creatures

Men love to look. They process a lot of their information directly through their eyes. So, if you want to give your partner a super experience, provide visuals for him. Look him in the eye and use your face to convey your enjoyment of what you are doing and the way he's responding. The look you’re aiming for is the same as when you spot the best pair of shoes you have ever seen.

Position yourself so that he gets a good look at you, particularly the areas he's attracted to, such as the breasts.

Recreating the Vagina

When you are giving a blow job you are creating the sensation of being inside a vagina—without actually using a vagina so pressure and wetness are important.

Ideally, vaginas fit snugly around the penis. This translates into the sensations of friction (rubbing) and pressure. So you want to match the sensation with your hands or lips and tongue.

An aroused vagina is wet. Using lubricant on your hands is an essensual. Spit will work but it’s just not sexy!

  

Communication Is Key

When you are giving a hand or blow job, it's paramount that you maintain communication with your partner so that you can find out what works and what doesn't in arousing him and controlling the pace of the orgasm.

Men focus on the experience, rather than the techniques. The best place to have him is at that point when he doesn't know whether he wants to watch or close his eyes and feel. 

Chances are that afterwards, he won't remember exactly what happened, how it happened, or when. You'll need to keep track of that, so that you can continue to improve your technique.

Methods of communication that you can use:

Eye contact - One of the secrets to great oral sex is making eye contact with your lover. When you look at him, you can gauge his responses better. This will help you learn what works and what doesn't.

By looking at him, you can communicate your enjoyment in pleasing him. He needs to know that you like pleasuring him. It helps to establish your control over the situation.

Facial Expression - Along with eye contact, use your face to show how much you are enjoying yourself. Imagine yourself a film actress and that you are a giving a close-up just for him.

Body Language - Your body can express a lot just in the way you are sitting or moving. If you lean towards him, you'll convey your desire to be closer to him. If you move back, you can signal your desire to slow down.

Your hands can speak, with the way they touch him. But don't think you are limited to hands. You have arms, feet, legs, and torso to work with. Be imaginative.

Verbalization - Finally, there is verbalization. Words, talking, even moans or grunts can convey much of what you are feeling.

Ask him questions. Ask if he likes what you're doing. Ask him if he wants more. Ask him to tease you or stimulate you back. Tell him what to do. Use your voice to control him.

Tease him by telling him what you are planning to do. Don't be afraid to talk dirty to him. A lot of men love that. Praise him, especially his penis. Express your amazement at its size, power, hardness.

Listen for the ‘dolphin’ – the high pitched double squeak. It usually means NO! You’re in the wrong place.

Lubricant, Lubricant and did I mention lubricant! Lubrication makes everything easier. The more moisture you have around, the easier it is to slide your hands over the penis, or to move the penis into your mouth.

When you become sexually aroused, you'll produce a wetness that is the perfect natural lubricant. The trouble, you can't always produce it on demand. 

Another natural lubricant is saliva but as I’ve said before – spitting in your hand is just not sexy! Keep trying to salivate all night and you'll end up dehydrated so just get yourself a good lube. 

Try a flavoured lube from Intimate Organics or a Montez Play Water Based Lubricant. 

Next time - Oral sex techniques.

Blow Jobs - Some ideas.

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Blow Job Quiz - Are you a whiz?

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