Play together is about sex and relationships. Everything I've learnt, heard or tried and after being in the sex industry for over 13 years. The blog shares intimate details, offers tips for improving relationships, reviews toys and explores sex and sexuality. It's our view of the erotic world.
Wednesday, 16 December 2015
Friday, 11 December 2015
Some Myths Busted!
I am constantly gob smacked at what people will believe
about sex. You can tell them anything and they will believe you if you say it
with enough conviction. People just don’t think for themselves and will never
question someone who they think knows more than them!
Have I ever told you about the time I went off the
reservation and had to be called off an ignorant bigot by my staff? We were at
a wedding exhibition, exhibiting lingerie and bachelorette items.
I am always
aware of my surroundings and know that as opposed to Sexpo children attend
these shows, so I am very aware of what gets displayed. I make no excuse for
what we sell but i do think that there is a time and a place. So the stand was
tasteful, beautiful even.
I was sitting on a chair slightly away from the stand when
two women in their twenties walked past. One saw the stand and wanted to come
over, the other grabbed her arm pulled her away and said, ‘Nee, Sies!’
Maybe I was just tired but something snapped and decided to
call it. I asked her please to identify exactly what it was about the stand
that she found so offensive. Was it the gorgeous silk gown? The pale blue
corset or was it the date night box, massage oil, Bride to Be Sash or the book
I have written called ‘The bride’s guide to Honeymoon Heaven?
Her response was that of a coward. She didn’t mean it, she
was only joking! And I had a sense of humour failure. I pointed out that by her
actions she had not only shamed her friend, who could have been a potential
client, but ten other people within earshot and I would really like to
understand why.
I was in her face and screaming, so she had to give me
something and then it came out in all its bigoted glory. Sex is dirty, a sin,
it’s not to be enjoyed. This she believed to be true. I asked where she got
this information.
She pulled herself up to her full height and announced that
it was her religious belief. The comfortable go to when they think they know
better than you.
Unfortunately for her this is something I know a bit about so
I asked her to refer me to the parts where in her Holy Book sex is sinful and
forbidden. She admitted that she hadn’t actually read it herself but had been
told and had never questioned, at which stage I was close to assaulting her.
If she hadn’t read it, seen it with her own eyes, made her
own deductions why would she just believe? I think I know some of the answer,
because as children we are taught to obey authority without question. It’s the
way of the world. It’s the way we control the masses. It’s so much easier to
follow than to lead. It is the easiest way to perpetuate the myths. So let’s
unpack a couple of my favourites.
Let’s start with women shouldn’t or don’t enjoy sex and that
if they do they are called every horrible name you can imagine. You know the
ones men love to throw at us when they want to hurt. Bitch, slut, whore!
Have you ever asked why? I have and have a number of
theories but the one that stands out is that sexually empowered women are
terrifying to both men and women who are less so. Somehow our power makes
others feel insecure and worse about themselves. So let’s call them names that
hurt. Shut them down, shame them and then we can feel better about ourselves,
‘Nee, sies!’
The next myth I would like to shatter is that you have to
orgasm every time you have sex, otherwise what’s the point? Not only do you
have to orgasm but that orgasm has got to be earth shattering. Really? Who has
the energy?
Sex is so much more than an orgasm. It’s about intimacy,
learning about your partner’s body and your own. It’s about learning your likes
and dislikes, about giving and receiving pleasure. It’s a way to communicate
and above all it’s about laughing. Think about it – there’s a lot of pushing
and shoving and so few get it right.
Which brings me to how we learn to have sex: Movies, both
the porn and romance versions. Now for some ground breaking news, neither is
real. Shocker, I know. Ever been successfully pinned up against a wall and had
a mind blowing orgasm? Lies! Ever been able to maintain an erection all night
long? Have you ever wondered how after a night of passion they get out of bed
with coiffed hair and no lipstick smudge? It’s Hollywood Baby! Don’t believe
it, it’s not real.
You may also believe that your friends are having way more
sex than you. They know more about sex than you and will laugh at you if you
ask. Myth! They probably know less than you and are thinking exactly the same
thing about you!
So here is this week’s advise: If you don’t know, ask. If
someone tries to shame you, call it. If someone tries to make you feel bad
about yourself, your body, the fact that you enjoy sex, don’t enjoy sex or want
to learn something new about sex, laugh and ask them exactly how they formed
their opinion.
Ask for proof of the unsubstantiated myth. Most of what we think
we know about sex is nonsense so please start educating yourself today!
Wednesday, 9 December 2015
Wednesday, 2 December 2015
LCS -Question 44
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Friday, 27 November 2015
What you can learn from another cock in the room
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Open letter to an Eighteen Year Old.
I have a favourite word that I use often. It rhymes with
suck so please feel free to insert it as an adjective or an adverb throughout
this entire column.
I am so angry I want to explode! I’m angry at myself first
and foremost and then at a young girl whose life I could have influenced and
because I was to exhausted after raising my own children, chose not to engage.
I’m angry because I see another young soul think she is
worth less than her brother because she has a vagina. Because she believes than
men are entitled to more regardless of their IQ. I’m angry because she thinks
the path she has chosen is well thought out, that she will escape mediocrity
and all its charming allure, when all she has really done is chosen small.
This girl, like so many others is completing her matric this
year. She proudly tells the story, as if to illustrate her escape from
mediocrity, That in her group of friends, all 18, one has a baby, one is five
months pregnant and five are engaged to be married! I hope that you are
horrified!
She thinks that going a small town, second grade university
to get an insignificant degree makes her more equipped to deal with the world.
If this was her only option I would agree. Getting a degree is a fabulous first
step to becoming all you can be. But it’s not.
She is probably going to get at least 4 to 6 distinctions.
She has a British passport with a parent already established in the UK and has
the opportunity to study abroad. She thinks earning R120 makes her independent
and that I am completely stupid. She cannot see that she has taken all her
potential and reduced it to the size of a pin head, if not smaller!
What really blows my mind (you are still adding on my
favourite word?) is that her parents, who know better are allowing her to make
this grievous decision.
We all experience fear, we all live in its shadows and we
all make safe choices. At 18 we all knew better. Not everyone is ‘Sharon the
Salmon’ as someone recently called me and maybe I should be satisfied with
that, but I’m not.
I am angry because I have failed her and her group of
friends. A baby at 17! Are you kidding me? Where on earth was contraception?
Where were the discussions about safer, healthier, less life changing
alternatives? Oh I know- we don’t talk about sex!!!
Why are 18 year old's getting engaged? I’ll tell you why,
because they think they are in love and want to have sex! What are these
parents thinking?
How much do they hate their daughters (and the sons) to
allow them to think about marriage at the age of 18? And don’t tell me you
can’t fight love! Rubbish, this is about biology!
They think they are in love because they have no idea what
their bodies are really saying. They are confusing lust with love and are going
to make choices because they are ‘lus’. They do not understand that that
feeling is a normal part of sexuality and does not need marriage to be
satiated.
Let’s not talk about masturbation as an alternative let’s
rather let them learn the hard way.
We have doomed them and thousands more to a life filled with
–what if! It breaks my heart. They will have their 2.2 children and the white
picket fence for all of 5 seconds and then the horrible reality of their
choices will set in. One in a thousand will be happy the rest will stick it out
because the ego is a stubborn task master. It would rather be unhappy than
admit it’s stupid decisions.
I am so sad. I wish I’d done more. I wish I’d been able to
educate the parents if not the children. I am convinced that teaching children
about sex and sexuality will empower them to make better choices. I believe
that educating your children about masturbation and biology will teach them to
make the distinction between love and lust, which in turn will allow them to
make different choices.
That little girls understanding their body and the
world of possibilities available to them will make them better mothers, lovers,
wives, businesswomen and that the world would be a better place for it.
To the young girl in question, or if you recognise her in
someone you know pass this on.
You have believed the wrong version of yourself. You are so
much more. Your future can be so much bigger than the small, safe option you
have chosen. I weep, Oh Lord I weep!
Thursday, 26 November 2015
Wet and Wild
Wet and Wild
When it comes to sex, the wetter the better, and with summer
approaching, being on holiday, near a beach is almost all I can think about.
Long lazy days, catching a tan, swimming and afternoon sex. Oh what I’d give
for holiday, afternoon sex!
Ask anyone about fantasy sex and water is almost always
close at hand. Think sex in the Jacuzzi sipping cocktails. Making love on a
moonlit beach can be the height of romance for some. Personally I think it’s overrated
with sand getting in places I’d rather it didn’t.
An underwater striptease game can be silly, playful and very
sexy. Dressing up as a pirate and role playing a nautical fantasy could also do
it for you.
Wetness is an essential addition to any play, whether you
need a little extra help with lubrication or not. A bottle of lubricant should
never be very far from hand. Nothing distresses me more than women who come
into the store and ask for a product to dry out their vagina. I’ve heard of
women using bark or bleach to ‘clean’ their intimates.
The vagina is like a self cleaning oven. It does not need
anything to clean itself. It doesn’t require douching, soap rinsing or sprays.
It simply needs an external wash with warm water and if you feel you have to
use soap ensure that it is the most gentle you can find.
Like water itself sexuality can be fluid. If I use myself as
an example, my sexuality has changed several times. What I liked then, doesn’t
work for me now and that’s okay. Sometimes I’m ice and then baby I steam!
So let’s consider the possibilities of aquatic play and why
so many of us find it so arousing. Water or liquid is at the heart of most
sexual encounters. When you’ve had a hot, passionate session you should be left
with a glow. I don’t think there is anything sexier, and the salty taste that
accompanies the work out!
When it comes to sex, water is associated with many
fantasies, think pirate or mermaid and what about the ultimate test of man –
the siren who in Greek Mythology lured sailors to their destruction. Sea views
are sexy. Showers can turn into steamy sexual encounters. Try keeping his eyes
off a wet T-Shirt and a simple glass of water sipped and shared holds appeal.
Getting wet is one of the simplest ways to heat up your sex
life.
In the early days of my exploration I had a water massage.
Picture a warm swimming pool, you can be naked or not. The massage therapists
usually work in pairs so you receive a massage floating in water with hands
touching you on both sides of your body at the same time. The massage ends with
you being held like you would a small child. I found the whole experience
liberating and comforting. Had my partner been present it would have been very,
very sensual.
Our bodies produce all sorts of fluids while we’re having
sex. From sweat to saliva and a whole lot in between so its not unusual that we
find wetness and water arousing.
I was brought to this stark realization
recently by an anonymous caller. He sounds polite enough with his fake American
accent. The question he leads with is ‘Do you sell masturbation gels?’ The
first time i was very polite and answered all his questions and then I realized
that he was either using my voice as part of his fantasy or it was a
prank. And then he called again and again!
I wasn’t so pleasant the third time round, so when he asked me what the
lubricant looked like, I just had to say spit! I now recognize his number and
greet him by a nickname I have given him.
My point is saliva. We share it, use it and it makes a frequent
guest appearance in movies. Not my favourite form of lubricant which is why we
sell so many varieties. You will find one for every occasion. Water based is
best for toys, silicone is best for water and anal play and oil based is
kryptonite for latex.
There are several games you can play in the shower, bath,
Jacuzzi or pool. In the pool, blindfold your partner and play a sexy come
hither game of Marco Polo. Ice in the Jacuzzi plays with temperature and
writing sexy fantasies on your partner’s back in the bath can lead some
marvellous adventures.
There is a jelly bath product on the market which you can
either use in your bath or a kiddy pool – ever had a jelly wrestling fantasy.
Or how about rubbing each other with baby oil and wrestling on rubber sheets or
towels. The loser has to pay a penalty.
And if you want to get really messy try some body chocolate
using your partner as a canvas – then lick away the evidence. You may have to
get rid of the stickiness with a sponge bath or steamy shower.
Keeping your sex life steamy and healthy doesn’t just
happen. It requires work, imagination and planning. The same goes for water
play. You need to plan it, so stock up this weekend and get ready for making a
splash.
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