Do you know the difference between love & lust?

Do you know the difference between LOVE & LUST?

Girls believe in love and are taught that lust is for degenerates and girls you don’t want to be associated with. And so we think that Romantic Comedies are real life (like men believe Porn is real sex!)

We must teach our daughters to masturbate. I can hear the collective gasp from here! Really, still in the 21^st Century!

So let me state my case:

If little girls (and I mean from birth) are taught about how beautiful and precious their bodies are they might treat them with a more respect. Teach them body parts and DON’T cal her vagina her nunu unless you are going to call her nose her smelly welly and her hands her feely wheely! It’s a body part just like any other. The minute you have to call a vagina something else – subconsciously you are starting to layer shame.

Do not discourage her touching herself! It feels good, it always will. There is evidence of a foetus touching itself in intimate places. Now your daughter will probably do it in public and the secret is not to overreact. You have taught her to poo in the toilet. You have taught her how to wipe her bum – from front to back, but you cannot tell her that touching feels good and that it should be done in the privacy of the bedroom or bathroom?

And then respect privacy.

If your daughter is allowed to explore her body for pleasure with no shame she will start to understand that what is happening to her as her body develops and the hormones kick in – is pure biology! Not some magic created by a boy.

She will know that that gorgeous tingly feeling between her legs can happen to her alone. If she knows how to touch herself she will be able to deal with the urges, on her own. So when she goes to movies with some hormone raging teenager and he puts his hand in her lap and she feels that tingly warm feeling – she will know that it is her body’s biology and not some unexplained ‘love’ for the boy in question. So when he asks to ‘sick it in, just a little bit’ because she ‘loves’ him she can make a call based on real information!

Imagine the power of being able to say ‘no, it’s okay thanks!’

Imagine having sex for the first time when you are emotionally ready and it is a conscious choice – not because you think you’re in love – but because you want to!

So teach your daughters to masturbate. Safeguard them from what awaits and see how we protect them from STD’s, teenage pregnancies and inappropriate first marriages!

Romantic Date - Go Away

Go Away

Find a last minute deal online for plane tickets and a hotel and jet off for a weekend getaway to somewhere warm and sunny with only 24 hours notice. 

Each of you should board the plane with the clothes you are wearing, a bathing suit, a toothbrush and sunscreen. 

Keep your agenda simple: Drink cool drinks, naps, lazy swims and walks on the beach. The spontaneity of your trip and your freedom from excess baggage will give your relationship a surefire injection of romance and adventure. 

Pole Dancing is not for Sissies

Pole Dancing 101

Pole dancing is not for sissies!

For those of you who attended our ladies night you would have had a taste of how much fun it can be. It’s sexy and a great work out! But more importantly it changes something on the inside.

If you are unable to attend weekly classes (you live in Rosendal!) it’s time to buy a set of DVD’s that will teach you how. Check out the trailer on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCnzMzeLS7g

It is certainly the best teaching DVD I have seen. And I’ve seen a few.

For more information about classes call:

Basic Instincts Dance Studio – www.basicinstincts.co.za - 0723093130

Anti Gravity Pole and Dance Studio - 083 361 3255

Vertical Vixen - 0721993133

Romantic Date - The Art of Love

The Art of Love

Round up some art supplies - paint, scissors, clay, paper, glitter and each create a work of art that symbolizes something about your relationship. 

Or visit an exhibition or bookshop and browse full colour tomes featuring artists known for their sensual works such as Egon Schiele, Georgia O'Keeffe and Robert Mapplethorpe. 

Which do you like or dislike about these.

Who will do more damage?

So this is a copy of an email I received in April (her writing - Tash, in black and my response in red. As I said yesterday, I wonder who is going to do more damage? 

HI,

I am writing to ask in the most diplomatic way I can to take down the very tacky and inappropriate advertising you have along Sandton Drive.  I don't see what value you are adding to the community. Are you inspiring and lifting your community and the country of South Africa.

Yes I am - our business is all about ensuring that everyone - women and men understand their sexuality, respect it and explore it within the confines of their individuality. NOTHING we do encourages inappropriate sexual behaviour.

As a guest in your country, that is well known for its aids/hiv problems, it seems easy to put the two together. 

As a guest to my country you clearly have no idea of the social issues concerning the HIV debate nor the multitude of causes. Here are just a few:

      Rape of a virgin because it is thought to cure HIV

      HIV is the white man's way of controlling cultural sexual behaviour

      Man is entitled to have sex with numerous partners without protection

      If a woman is wet during sex it is because she is being unfaithful and so MANY women insert bark into the    vagina to dry it out causing tearing and therefore increasing infection rates.

Myths that my business spends an inordinate amount of time trying to dispel through proper sex education. My business encourages the use of toys within the relationship of keeping it fresh and spiced up. We also encourage the use of toys as opposed to sex with inappropriate partners purely because they do not understand the difference between love and lust and I challenge you to find that any of these encourage misappropriate sexual behaviour. Many of these myths continue to be perpetuated because some with sexual issues of their own, demand that sex (or anything related to sex) be kept in the dark. It is only by shining the light on this subject that these will be dispelled.

Of course there are problems.  And I am sure your business and advertising contribute greatly to this tragedy in this country.

You are misguided and if you like I will gladly take you through our store and education programmes. I cannot see how a woman in a purple dress, a man without his top on and a loving couple with the word naughty can have any influence on the moral fibre of my community unless they have serious sexual issues of their own.

Would you like your children participating in your business?  Is that why we have children and raise them?  Do you want your children seeing those ads every day as they drive to sports activities?  Would you like your daughter at Lola Montez, doing the actual advertising?

My 3 sons, step daughter and step son have been in this industry with me since the age of about 5, 6 and 7 respectively. They are now in their late teens. They are very well adjusted. Understand their bodies and have made incredibly educated decisions relating to their sexual behaviour and in my step daughter's case the loss of her virginity. She has chosen to use a vibrator rather than have sex with a boy when he pressurised her at the age of 13!

So yes I want EVERY child to know about my business and make responsible, emotionally mature decisions about their sexuality and sexual behaviour. You teach your child to poo in a toilet? That is a far dirtier biological activity that sex which is the most natural and beautiful of all biological functions. And to shame it into the dark makes your version of sex far more harmful to a community than mine.

As a mother who is trying to teach children to add value to the community they live in, trying to raise those who will bring positive influences in their world, it is really discouraging to have to drive past your signs every day. 

We have a different interpretation as to what those positive influences are - and I ask you to re read the paragraph above.

I am sure there are other places you can advertise that would not be so destructive to people.

I am sure that your children will look for us on a porn channel - but we are not that kind of store - we are open and upfront. We have no shame and we do not and will not creep around in the shadows.

Please think about what you are promoting and how you affect the community and the people.  I understand that greed and money come into play here, but at some point integrity needs to replace greed.  That is the only way to rise above the problems that face this country.

I take offence to your suggesting that it is greed and money at play. Money absolutely - I am a single mother who feed and educates 3 boys and this business pays for that. I have no greed and believe that what I do is vital to changing the myths and secrecy surrounding sex. I believe that when we shine the light the darkness disappears and then we know better.

I hope that now you know better - you will do better. I for one will never allow your type to dictate what is or isn't appropriate.

I invite you to the store to see for yourself first-hand what you clearly know nothing about.

Thank you

Youth Day

Thinking about Youth Day reminds me of my previous life – when I was a Human Rights lawyer and trying to make a contribution to the struggle.

That struggle – the right to vote has been achieved and I hope you all took advantage of the right we fought so hard for. We also fought for the right to equality – whether that be race, gender or sexual orientation. Here unfortunately we have not succeeded and I’m not sure we ever will.

Sometimes I am just so tired of confronting society’s accepted norms and then I remind myself that I have the heart of a revolutionary and would not really know how else to live.

One might ask what I am doing for the fight in the sex industry?

I believe that sex is still the subject that no one wants to talk about. It is still a man’s right and a woman’s duty. And women still do not understand the difference between love and lust.

So this June – let’s start the debate – let us empower our daughters and educate our sons.

Education is the ONLY way we will drag people out of the dark. And when they are in the light I know that the plagues that infect future generations will be healed - infection rates, rape and teenage pregnancy will drop. 

Tomorrow I am going to post a copy of an email I received from someone who does not think like me - I wonder who will do the most harm to our youth - me or her? 

Raunchy Romance

Raunchy Romance – How to keep the Romance alive!

Many couples want more romance in their relationships and, no, it's not just women, men crave romance, too!

If you want more romance, you have to take an active role in making that romance happen. So instead of waiting for romance to fall into your lap, take steps to make your relationship more fulfilling and intimate this very day?

Here's how:

Be More Direct

If you want to spend more time together or if you want to make a weekly date night, simply say so: Don't bother playing games or trying to make your partner guess what you want. Better yet, book the restaurant and tell your partner where to meet you — it's romantic, proactive, and completely unexpected.

Share Daily Appreciations

It's hard to feel romantic if you’re focusing on all the things they do wrong.  Feel much more connected by shining a light on the wonderful things they do. Daily appreciations are a key part of a healthy relationship. Compliment your partner's body, eyes, parenting skills, intelligence, wit, kissing prowess … anything!

Small Gestures Make a Big Impression

Island vacations and five-star dinners are certainly romantic, but it's the little gestures that feed a relationship and keep your connection strong over the years. Whether it's making coffee for your partner or getting the car started on a cold winter's morning, the little gestures show that you truly care.

Give Your Partner the Gift of "Me" Time

Romance can be hard to come by if your partner is exhausted and overworked. If your partner is stressed and on the verge of a meltdown after a harrowing workweek, give the gift of "me" time by booking a massage appointment for your partner while you watch the kids. You could also simply help to cross things off your partner's to-do list by doing the grocery or dry-cleaning run on your own.

Have a Staycation

No time or money to go out of town on an extravagant trip? No problem. Hire a babysitter for the night and hit a local hotel for a romantic staycation. Pretend to be tourists and take in a dinner or a show, and then spend the rest of the night enjoying your kid-free, adult-only hotel room! Don’t forget to take your Naughty Night Lovers Kit with you. Available from Lola Montez.

Put Special Care into Your Appearance

In long-term relationships, it's not unusual for the lingerie to get replaced by tracksuit pants or the gym to get replaced by couch-surfing. This can chip away at your self-esteem and your own sexual desires, not to mention that of your partner. Put a little extra care into your appearance — even if it's just a swipe of red lipstick (Try Montez 6 or 9 – from their new cosmetic range) or a new hairdo. It will inspire more romance for both you and your partner.

Nag Less, Flirt More

It's a simple equation and one that is bound to add up to more romance. It might be annoying that your partner drips water on the bathroom floor or that they always leave the lights on, but nagging about little things is often futile and only serves to chip away at your romantic connection.

Remember the Excitement

Think about what gave you butterflies in your early days of dating: Then find ways to bring those little things back, whether it was spontaneous sex before work in the morning or steamy date nights at out-of-the way restaurants. When was the last time you didn’t wear underwear or slept naked?

Focus on the Present

Anything that keeps you from being present is going to affect your relationship and your mood, whether you are stressing over the fight you had with your sister yesterday or whether you are dreading a work meeting scheduled for tomorrow. All that worrying is not only useless, but it will only serve to keep you from true inner peace and connecting with your mate. 

Or as a teacher I had once said – If you worry you die, if you don’t worry you die – so why worry? Try yoga or meditation to help keep you grounded, and remember, if you want more romance, the best way to create it is by being present with your partner — right here and now.