Lola Montez Date Night - TONIGHT!

Tonight Lola Montez Couple are in for a very special treat!

Sex on a first date and other nonsense! A RANT!

Sex on a first date and other nonsense!

This article appeared recently giving 7 PROVEN reasons why it’s okay to have sex on a first date. I read it and thought okay I guess they have a point but I kept coming back to and I know I don’t agree with a lot of it. So my comments are in red and I’d love to hear what your opinion is.

At the outset let me say that I have had my fair share of first date sex and in fact my present relationship which is now in its 12^th year started this way.(In my mind it was never going to be more than a one night stand)  So sex on a first date has a place.

I agree that is want to have sex, feel the chemistry, don’t care whether you will see him or her again – go for it. Because sex is sex, a physical act like going to the gym. BUT not everyone thinks like this.

I do think we have sex for all the wrong reasons not understanding the difference between love and lust. Often acting out of lust in the hope of finding love.

So - here goes.

7 Proven Reasons Why It’s Perfectly Okay To Have Sex On The First Date 

Nobody likes first dates.

They’re awkward, they usually involve some kind of drink or meal that you’d rather not share with a stranger, and there’s always that hesitant question at the forefront of both your minds: Are we going to have sex later?

Thanks to a lot of poodle skirts and antiquated ideas about dating, first-date sex has become a topic of controversy, with many of us still believing in the shameful stigma attached to it.

Despite our generally enlightened attitudes in this new-age hookup culture, we’re still viewing sex on the first date as a make-or-break moment, leaving most of us to agonize over what the right move is.

We’re so caught up in society’s expectation of us that we disregard our own personal desires. We’re too busy trying to decipher what the other person is thinking that we don’t listen to what we actually want.

Why put all this power and judgment into the guy’s hands? And moreover, why would you want to be with a man who judges women in this way?

Sex should not be viewed as an exchange of goods, whereby women give it as a “down payment” on a relationship and men receive it as a “thank you” for taking her out to dinner. And having sex on the first date shouldn’t negatively impact your chances of a long-term relationship.

So far I agree. Except if the guy you are with is a player because he will have sex with no intention of a long term relationship. And if want to add him a notch on your bedpost then go ahead bed him well. Who knows you may be so good that he just has to come back for more.

Let’s strip sexual activity of all its damaging implications and bring it back to what it is: just sex.

We’ve done the research and here it is, straight-up:

There’s nothing wrong with having sex on the first date. We’re not going to think less of you or judge you. We’re not going to slut-shame you. And you shouldn’t feel apologetic or guilty. If you’re feeling hot and you want it, then you should have absolutely no qualms about going for it.

Agreed – want sex have it!

And if that pep talk isn’t enough, how about this statistic?

A 2012 Singles in America survey found that 55 percent of singles reporting having had sex on the first date (66 percent of men; 44 percent of women).

Let’s just think about this statistic for one second – if 66% are having sex on a first date and only 44% are women – then who are the other 22% of men having sex with? Maybe they are gay – possible I suppose.

What the statistic does not tell us is how many of those one night stands turned into long term relationships? I’m willing to bet – not many.

People want to get it on, and they’re caring less and less about when it’s so-called ‘appropriate’ to happen.

Here are the 7 science-backed reasons why you totally have sex on the first date.

1. He won’t think less of you

A 2013 Cosmopolitan poll found that 83 percent of women believe men will think less of a woman who has sex on the first date. (That’s a lot of mind-f*cking, ladies!) But the reality is that the majority of guys, specifically 67 percent of those polled, maintain they absolutely don’t.

So we can now all put this common fear behind us — the numbers don’t lie.

I’d like to know how many of the 67% went on to have a 2^nd or 3^rd date with the same girl? Now do we care what he thinks of us – not really! But know why YOU have chosen to have sex on a first date. Because you are horny and feel like it or because if you don’t have sex with him he will move onto greener pastures? Guess what – he will anyway.

Perhaps that skepticism is coming from your own insecurities about having sex. “If you know that sleeping with someone won’t bring out your best or will make you needy, it’s a good idea to wait,” says Andrea Syrtash, co-writer of the book, “It’s Okay to Sleep With Him on the First Date: And Every Other Rule of Dating, Debunked.” “However, don’t wait because you think the guy will lose respect or interest. Wait because of how it will affect you.” – Halleluiah!

Your decision to have sex is your own; it’s not about him. Regardless, guys who are interested in you and want to see you will still follow up and pursue you — especially after they’ve seen you naked.

2. You’ll keep him coming back for more

Who says that having sex on the first date will turn away guys? Have you met them? They love sex! If you’re confident and enjoy what you’re doing, then they’ll be more inclined to return for seconds.

Do remember first time sex? It’s messy and awkward and never really a great success. So good luck with that – he may come back for seconds just to see if it improves!

In this scenario, having sex on the first date actually benefits you and increases your chances of a second meeting.

Remember too that men are pretty basic when it comes to dating and sex. If they like you, they like you.

As Jeff Wilser, co-author of “It’s Okay to Sleep With Him on the First Date: And Every Other Rule of Dating, Debunked” tells Cosmo, “In the history of planet Earth, no guy has ever said, “She’s awesome. She’s intelligent. She’s sexy, and she’s into ‘Game of Thrones.’ There’s only one problem.…We hooked up on the first date.”

Yes but he has thought – been there, nailed that – wonder what her friend’s like.

3. Cuts the sexual tension

If you don’t have sex early on, the pressure to have it builds too greatly. Each subsequent date becomes a constant mind-game of “Should I keep waiting? He’s taken me on three dates, should I just do it?

Maïa Mazaurette, columnist for GQ magazine in France, agrees saying, “Because Brits and Americans are wary about when to move the relationship into the bedroom it makes us more prudish when we finally get down to it.”

Ever heard of foreplay people?

When sexual tension builds, you’re likely to become more awkward and over-analytical about why it’s not happening. Think like a Frenchwoman and don’t be afraid to take a bite out of that baguette!

4. Chemistry is chemistry

Jeff Wilser says it best, “If there’s chemistry, there’s chemistry, and from the guy’s perspective, it doesn’t really matter if we hook up on date one or date seven.”

You don’t need to turn sex on the first date into this momentous decision. If you both are into each other, then there’s no good reason not to enjoy each other more.

Yup – but surely the chemistry will be there tomorrow? So make sure it’s chemistry and not better do this so he’ll love me or his gone.

5. They want it!

According to the 2012 Singles In America study, 41 percent of New York men regard sex on the first date as “very appropriate” or “somewhat appropriate.”

So don’t be hesitant on the guy’s behalf. Chances are he wants it just as badly as you do, and he isn’t condemning the act either.

MMM what a crock! Take one second and read that again – 41% of men in NEW YORK.

Let me say that again that is ONLY 41% in NEW YORK.

So 69% don’t think it’s okay in one of the most liberal cities in the new world!

6. You find out if you’re really connected

Sexual compatibility is important part of a relationship. By having sex on the first date, you get to establish that special connection early on. And if it’s enjoyable, it’ll only increase your attraction to one another.

“In this day and age, more people recognize sex as an important component of a successful relationship, not something to be ashamed of,” says Justin Lehmiller, PhD, a social psychologist at Harvard who studies relationships and sexuality.

“For those people, it’s important to establish sexual compatibility early on, and having sex on the first date may be the right move for them.”

Listen people I have had great sex with absolute morons who I would never have a relationship with.

Find out if you’ll have something to talk about on date 5 before you worry about sexual compatibility – and if either of you are lacking in the sexual arts it can be taught.

But a moron remains a fucking moron!

7. ….You get to have sex!

Even if you eventually find out you hate this person, at least you haven’t wasted your time. Stop stressing about how it appears and look on the bright side, you’re getting it in!

WTF!!!! Look on the bright side YOU’RE GETTING IT IN!!! Who wrote this shit?

Philip N. Cohen, a sociology professor at the University of Maryland, assuages all our fearful reluctance with some profound logic: at the end of the day, it’s not about sex, it’s about your attraction to one another.

HUH? Of course it’s about sex – is this not what the article is about – it’s okay to have SEX on a first date – or have I missed something. If I had to have sex with everyone I’m attracted to – I’d never get any work done.

All that matters is how much the couple like and are attracted to each other, which determines how many dates they have, and whether the guy calls back.

Absolutely right and no amount of sex on the first date is going to change that. Hoping that he is going to be more attracted to you because you had sex on the first date is just idiotic.

It appears that the first-date-sex couples usually don’t last because people don’t know each other very well on first dates and they have a high rate of failure regardless of sex.

No shit Batman! So tell me again why there are 7 PROVEN reasons why it’s okay to have sex on a first date!

What are you waiting for?

There is only EVER one reason why you can have sex on a first date –

You feel like it and you really don’t give a shit about whether he will respect you in the morning or call in the afternoon. It was just for you, your body, your ego, your choice. Now what are you waiting for?

  

Keeping Romance Alive - Week 1

We live in a day and age where lives are busy and schedules are swamped. We're tired, grumpy and seem to have lost sight of romance.  

The working day is also a little more versatile than it has been in days past, and people are working longer hours or irregular shifts.  This can put a damper on your love life, but this should not discourage you from enjoying you and your partner no matter what time of day it is.  

Romance is not just for evenings anymore, For the next 25 weeks I am going to post a list of things you can do during the day, or during the evening that will help ensure you make the most of every second with your lover.

Week 1

If you won’t be seeing your partner for a while, tell them you’re concerned and have hired a bodyguard. Give him or her a stuffed teddy bear with an “I Love You” heart on it.

Happy World Sexual Health Day!

Sex Toys and World Sexual Health Day

Follow the link above to read a very interesting blog about Sex Toys and Sexual health Day. 

I'm wondering what you will be doing for your sexual well being. I'm going to charge all my Vibrators!

If you'd like to share your ideas and stand a chance to win 3 delicious Lola Montez hampers go and post your ideas on our Facebook Page - Click here to link to it  

And if you pop into the store today we may even be handing out orgasms!  

Wide Awake

Tonight is Lola Montez Ladies Night and we have a very special evening planned! (we do Ladies Night every first Tuesday of the month)

We have been fortunate enough to secure Anne-Marie Clulow for the evening. She has been working on a one woman show called Wide Awake and we are going to be the FIRST to see extracts from it! We saw a bit of Annie at our Woman's Day Event. I don't think there was a dry eye in the house. 

Watch her sing 'Time to say Goodbye'

Anne-Marie has been on a sexual, sensual and spiritual journey over the past couple of years and it is this journey she will share - and why should we care? 

I believe Annie is every woman only braver! She, like the Lola Montez Brand, longs to empower women, take the taboo out of sex and sexuality by educating and entertaining. 

If you are not at the event tonight you have really missed out on what is going to be the most entertaining and empowering evening - Leaving every one of us Wide Awake!

10 Things about sex we shouldn't worry about!

10 Things about sex we shouldn't worry about. 

With thanks to www.webmd.com 

We stress over our jobs, our relationships, our finances and our friendships and unfortunately, even our bedrooms can become a breeding ground for anxiety. 

Sex may be touted as one of the most effective (and pleasurable) forms of stress relief, but it can also be a major source of insecurity for women. Performance anxiety isn't limited to men, and if your sex life isn't as mind-blowing as it could be, it's possible that your own worries are getting in the way. 

Body image issues, orgasm obstacles and STD woes are just a few of the concerns that can keep women from letting go and enjoying their time between the sheets. If you suspect that your anxiety about sex might be preventing you from optimizing your pleasure, it might be worth taking a look at some of your own sexual insecurities. 

Scroll through the list below for 10 common worries about sex and why they're not worth the stress. 

1. I can't orgasm from intercourse. 

The inability to climax is arguably the most universal female sexual problem: Recent studies have suggested that roughly 75 percent of women can't orgasm through penetrative sex, and 10 to 15 percent can't orgasm under any circumstances. And in fact, until recently, the sheer existence of the vaginal orgasm was questioned. 

If you're one of the 25 percent of women who consistently orgasm during intercourse, congratulations! But if orgasms elude you, bear in mind that the inability to climax makes you normal, not abnormal, and it doesn't mean that you can't still enjoy a fulfilling sex life. Experiment with other ways of achieving orgasm, and make sure you have a partner who's willing to try a whole range of techniques to give you pleasure.

 2. I don't look good naked. 

Body image isn't solely a self-esteem issue: It can also significantly impact your sex life. According to psychologist Dr. Jennifer Hartstein, 61 percent of women are thinking about what their bodies look like during sex, and a Fitness Magazine study found that 51 percent of women would give up sex for a year to be skinny. 

Needless to say, feeling unattractive (and trying to avoid positions that you fear may be unflattering) tends to kill the mood.

So instead of forcing yourself to have sex when you're not feeling up for it, try to do something that does make you feel sexy, whether that's a night out with friends, taking a yoga class or treating yourself to a deep-tissue massage. 

Giving yourself pleasure can also be a great way to boost your body confidence. A good partner will be willing to wait until you're in the mood, so don't push yourself if you'd rather curl up with a movie than hop into bed. 

When you are ready to have sex again, focus on the sensations -- and remind yourself that you, like anyone else, deserve pleasure. And consider this: While you're worrying about all the things you think are wrong with your body, your partner is probably appreciating everything he or she loves about it. 

3. I don't have a "normal" vagina.

Like negative body image, worry that your lady parts are unattractive can seriously undermine your sexual confidence, and it's led many women to undergo surgical procedures to attain a more "desirable" vagina. 

The porn industry in particular has been instrumental in changing cultural conceptions of what a vagina "should" look like in order for it to be sexually appealing. (Heaven forbid any part of the female body escape evaluation by today's often unrealistic beauty standards.) 

This anxiety about vaginal appearance was the inspiration behind the Large Labia Project, a Tumblr that encourages women to celebrate the beauty of their vulvas by submitting "vagina selfies." Collectively, the photos deliver a message we all need to hear: Whether you're shaven or unshaven, have large labia or small, there's nothing wrong with your vagina. Try to appreciate it as much as your partner(s) already do(es). 

4. I'm bad at sex. 

Let's face it: Mediocre sex is no fun for anyone involved. But before you start berating yourself for your lack of sexual prowess, bear in mind that good sex has more to do with how committed two people are to giving each other pleasure than how advanced their moves are. 

There are a lot of factors that go into creating a less-than-steamy sex session, so if you're feeling unsatisfied, consider the other conditions that may be putting a damper on your sex life. Sub-par sex could be the result of feeling uncomfortable with your partner, or it could be that you're still learning what really turns you on. 

With the right person and a little experimenting, you can have stellar sex -- it's just a matter of build up your confidence (see #2) and comfort level with your partner. And of course, as with anything else in life, practice makes perfect.

5. Sex with my partner will eventually get boring/routine. 

Contrary to popular belief, married couples actually report having more regular sex and higher levels of sexual satisfaction than those who are single or in unmarried relationships. As many married couples can tell you, sex within a committed relationship doesn't have to be monotonous -- in fact, it can be the best kind of sex. 

There's a high level of comfort and intimacy, not to mention that your partner knows what you want and exactly how to give it to you. Women's levels of desire have been shown to gradually decrease over time in committed relationships. If your sex routine is getting a little stale, experts recommend talking openly to your partner about your sexual needs and trying new things (role play and/or sex toys) to turn the heat back up. 

6. My sex drive is too low. 

If you're suffering from a lack of desire, you're not alone: A 2008 survey of over 30,000 women found that increasing numbers of women report sexual problems, including 10 percent of women ages 18 to 44 who reported low sexual desire. What you need to know is that it's not your fault: Low sex drive could be the result of certain forms of birth control, lack of sleep or taking antidepressants. 

Stress, depression and relationship issues can also be the culprits. If you're not sure what's dampening your desire, talk to your gynecologist -- the good news is that there are many ways to boost a low libido. 


7. I've had too many (or not enough) sexual partners. 

Some of us will experience many different types of sex, while others will only experience one type of sex with one partner. When it comes to sexual experience, there is no "normal." 

You've grown and learned from your experiences, whatever and however many they may be, so don't stress about which end of the spectrum (women aged 30-44 report an average of four sexual partners, according to the Kinsey Institute) your number of partners falls on. As Entertainment Weekly critic Lisa Schwarzbaum put it in a review of the flop 2011 "What's Your Number?", "Who in this day and age is counting?”

8. My STD is going to ruin my sex life. 

Finding out that you have an STD is difficult, but it isn't a death sentence for your sex life. Eighty percent of sexually-active singles will contract HPV at some point in their lives, and approximately one in four adults living in New York City has genital herpes. 

Your STD might feel like a scarlet "A," but the stigma around these diseases is fading. If you're nervous about telling prospective partners about your situation, try a dating site like positivesingles.com, which is exclusively for individuals with sexually transmitted diseases. I haven't checked whether there is a SA Branch.

9. I'm not having sex right now. 

If it seems like everyone around you is having multiple orgasms and getting it on in public bathrooms while you're stuck in sexual limbo, think again: Half of Americans are unsatisfied with their sex lives, according to a 2012 survey. 

If you're going through a dry spell (and please note: we all do), try to remember that when spring inevitably comes again, having taken a break will mean that you have a better understanding of your sexual and relationship needs -- and be in a better position to ask for them. 

10. I get turned on by things I don't actually want to do in real life. 

Despite the wealth of research that's been done on the subject, there are many aspects of female sexual desire that we still don't understand. What we do know is that a woman's capacity for arousal is generally far more fluid than a man's. In an often-cited 2009 study , men and women were shown clips of a variety of sexual activities -- sex between men and women, homosexual sex, animal sex, and more -- and found that while straight men were aroused by heterosexual and lesbian sex, women were more aroused across the board. 

However, although women experienced physical arousal, they didn't report being turned on. Their conclusion? When it comes to sex, our minds and bodies are frequently in disagreement. If you're a straight woman having lesbian fantasies, or you have domination fantasies that may not be in line with your feminist values, remember that desire isn't always logical, moral, or politically correct. 

Fantasizing about something doesn't necessarily mean you want to act it out in reality. And if you find that you do, it's possible to act out fantasies in a safe way. The important thing is not to berate yourself for your desires

Romantic Date - Music Lovers

Music Lovers

To make an anniversary or special celebration even more memorable, enlist musician friends or hire a local musician to play for just the two of you over a home cooked meal. 

Compile a list a favourite tunes that are meaningful to you and get the musician to play them, Include a couple of slow tunes for a slow dance.