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Keeping Romance Alive - The final week!

Week 25

It's been 25 weeks of romance and I'm considering continuing but I need some fresh ideas! 

Let me know which one's you enjoyed the most or whether you have any great romantic ideas to share!

Use glow in the dark stars to create a message that says “I Love You” over their bed.

That also brings us to the end of the month of Romance! 

Hope you got spoiled, loved and lusted after. 

Don't forget to let me know what you'd like to read about next!

Keeping Romance Alive - Week 24

We're almost there - 25 Weeks of Romance!

Week 24

Take a long walk with your partner in the countryside.  While you are out, make a point of finding a stone or smooth object and show it to your sweetie. Later, have it engraved with the date you found it together.

Keeping Romance Alive - Week 23

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and if you've been following our advise for the past 23 Weeks it won't matter what you do you'll be getting all the romance you need. 

Hopefully you've been to the Lola Montez Boutique and purchased some fun toys for tomorrow! 

Having said that here is our romantic tip Week 23

Week 23 
Daytime or nigh time have dinner or lunch on a rooftop somewhere.  Spread a picnic and make sure you won’t be disturbed.

Keep Romance Alive - Week 22

We live in a day and age where lives are busy and schedules are swamped.  The working day is also a little more versatile than it has been in days past, and people are working longer hours or irregular shifts.  This can put a damper on your love life, but this should not discourage you from enjoying you and your partner no matter what time of day it is.  

Romance is not just for evenings anymore, and here we have a list of 25 things you can do during the day, or during the evening that will help ensure you make the most of every second with your lover.

Week 22

Have a picnic with finger foods and fun things to eat.  The only rule? No utensils allowed, and no eating unless it is being fed to you.

Keep Romance Alive - Week 21

Keep romance alive

Week 21 

Take a walk in the rain together. No umbrellas allowed.  Stand under an awning and kiss for a minimum of 60 seconds

Keeping Romance Alive - Week 20

We live in a day and age where lives are busy and schedules are swamped.  The working day is also a little more versatile than it has been in days past, and people are working longer hours or irregular shifts.  This can put a damper on your love life, but this should not discourage you from enjoying you and your partner no matter what time of day it is.  

Romance is not just for evenings anymore, and here we have a list of 25 things you can do during the day, or during the evening that will help ensure you make the most of every second with your lover.
This is week 20 so only 5 more weeks to go!

Week 20

Go fly a kite. It will make you both feel like a kid again.

Keeping Romance Alive - Week 19

We live in a day and age where lives are busy and schedules are swamped.  The working day is also a little more versatile than it has been in days past, and people are working longer hours or irregular shifts.  This can put a damper on your love life, but this should not discourage you from enjoying you and your partner no matter what time of day it is.  

Romance is not just for evenings anymore, and here we have a list of 25 things you can do during the day, or during the evening that will help ensure you make the most of every second with your lover.

Week 19

Go to the drive in, but rather than staying inside the car, spread a blanket outside the car and bring candles and fun finger foods to picnic on. And if your city no longer has a drive in - just find somewhere to picnic!

Keep the Romance Alive - Week 18

We live in a day and age where lives are busy and schedules are swamped.  The working day is also a little more versatile than it has been in days past, and people are working longer hours or irregular shifts.  This can put a damper on your love life, but this should not discourage you from enjoying you and your partner no matter what time of day it is.  

Romance is not just for evenings anymore, and here we have a list of 25 things you can do during the day, or during the evening that will help ensure you make the most of every second with your lover.

Week 18

Take some water balloons or some water guns to the beach, the garden or the park, one afternoon and blow off some steam together.

Keeping Romance Alive - Week 17

Happy new year! 
Have you made your new year's resolutions? Broken them yet? 

If you are going to keep one thing going this year - let it be romance! And so we continue with our romantic tips. 

We live in a day and age where lives are busy and schedules are swamped.  The working day is also a little more versatile than it has been in days past, and people are working longer hours or irregular shifts.  

This can put a damper on your love life, but this should not discourage you from enjoying you and your partner no matter what time of day it is.  

Romance is not just for evenings anymore, and here we have a list of 25 things you can do during the day, or during the evening that will help ensure you make the most of every second with your lover.

Week 17

Festivals of any kind, food, jazz, wine, music, are always great inspirations for romance day or night.  Blow off some steam together!

Keeping Romance Alive - Week 8

Week 8

Fill your trunk with helium balloons that say “I Love You”. Ask your partner to go for a drive. When you get to a secluded country spot, ask him or her to go to the trunk and get your jacket for you. Release the balloons together.

Keeping Romance Alive - Week 7

We live in a day and age where lives are busy and schedules are swamped.  The working day is also a little more versatile than it has been in days past, and people are working longer hours or irregular shifts.  

This can put a damper on your love life, but this should not discourage you from enjoying you and your partner no matter what time of day it is.  

Romance is not just for evenings anymore, and here we have a list of 25 things you can do during the day, or during the evening that will help ensure you make the most of every second with your lover.

Week 7

For movie night in, rent “An Affair to Remember” and the accessories to remember for this one are champagne or wine, chocolate covered strawberries, and you.

Keeping Romance Alive - Week 5

We live in a day and age where lives are busy and schedules are swamped.  The working day is also a little more versatile than it has been in days past, and people are working longer hours or irregular shifts.  

This can put a damper on your love life, but this should not discourage you from enjoying you and your partner no matter what time of day it is.  

Romance is not just for evenings anymore, and here we have a list of 25 things you can do during the day, or during the evening that will help ensure you make the most of every second with your lover.

Week 5

Plant a tree together and make a ritual. After you have planted it, celebrate with a glass of champagne, right by your tree.  Do this every year on this anniversary.

Keeping Romance Alive - Week 4

We live in a day and age where lives are busy and schedules are swamped.  The working day is also a little more versatile than it has been in days past, and people are working longer hours or irregular shifts.  

This can put a damper on your love life, but this should not discourage you from enjoying you and your partner no matter what time of day it is. 

 Romance is not just for evenings anymore, and here we have a list of 25 things you can do during the day, or during the evening that will help ensure you make the most of every second with your lover.

Week 4

Take your love to the beach.  Before you get there, write a message somewhere in the sand for him or her to see. The sexier the better!  If it’s night time, light it with candles.

Keeping Romance Alive Week 3

We live in a day and age where lives are busy and schedules are swamped.  The working day is also a little more versatile than it has been in days past, and people are working longer hours or irregular shifts.  

This can put a damper on your love life, but this should not discourage you from enjoying you and your partner no matter what time of day it is.  

Romance is not just for evenings anymore, and here we have a list of 25 things you can do during the day, or during the evening that will help ensure you make the most of every second with your lover.

Week 3

Lie in the grass and look at the clouds.  Be a kid again and find shapes in the clouds. The sexier the better!  You may want to find a secluded area so that this could lead to some outdoor fun!

Lola Montez Date Night - TONIGHT!

Tonight Lola Montez Couple are in for a very special treat!

Happy World Sexual Health Day!

Sex Toys and World Sexual Health Day

Follow the link above to read a very interesting blog about Sex Toys and Sexual health Day. 

I'm wondering what you will be doing for your sexual well being. I'm going to charge all my Vibrators!

If you'd like to share your ideas and stand a chance to win 3 delicious Lola Montez hampers go and post your ideas on our Facebook Page - Click here to link to it  

And if you pop into the store today we may even be handing out orgasms!  

10 Things about sex we shouldn't worry about!

10 Things about sex we shouldn't worry about. 

With thanks to www.webmd.com 

We stress over our jobs, our relationships, our finances and our friendships and unfortunately, even our bedrooms can become a breeding ground for anxiety. 

Sex may be touted as one of the most effective (and pleasurable) forms of stress relief, but it can also be a major source of insecurity for women. Performance anxiety isn't limited to men, and if your sex life isn't as mind-blowing as it could be, it's possible that your own worries are getting in the way. 

Body image issues, orgasm obstacles and STD woes are just a few of the concerns that can keep women from letting go and enjoying their time between the sheets. If you suspect that your anxiety about sex might be preventing you from optimizing your pleasure, it might be worth taking a look at some of your own sexual insecurities. 

Scroll through the list below for 10 common worries about sex and why they're not worth the stress. 

1. I can't orgasm from intercourse. 

The inability to climax is arguably the most universal female sexual problem: Recent studies have suggested that roughly 75 percent of women can't orgasm through penetrative sex, and 10 to 15 percent can't orgasm under any circumstances. And in fact, until recently, the sheer existence of the vaginal orgasm was questioned. 

If you're one of the 25 percent of women who consistently orgasm during intercourse, congratulations! But if orgasms elude you, bear in mind that the inability to climax makes you normal, not abnormal, and it doesn't mean that you can't still enjoy a fulfilling sex life. Experiment with other ways of achieving orgasm, and make sure you have a partner who's willing to try a whole range of techniques to give you pleasure.

 2. I don't look good naked. 

Body image isn't solely a self-esteem issue: It can also significantly impact your sex life. According to psychologist Dr. Jennifer Hartstein, 61 percent of women are thinking about what their bodies look like during sex, and a Fitness Magazine study found that 51 percent of women would give up sex for a year to be skinny. 

Needless to say, feeling unattractive (and trying to avoid positions that you fear may be unflattering) tends to kill the mood.

So instead of forcing yourself to have sex when you're not feeling up for it, try to do something that does make you feel sexy, whether that's a night out with friends, taking a yoga class or treating yourself to a deep-tissue massage. 

Giving yourself pleasure can also be a great way to boost your body confidence. A good partner will be willing to wait until you're in the mood, so don't push yourself if you'd rather curl up with a movie than hop into bed. 

When you are ready to have sex again, focus on the sensations -- and remind yourself that you, like anyone else, deserve pleasure. And consider this: While you're worrying about all the things you think are wrong with your body, your partner is probably appreciating everything he or she loves about it. 

3. I don't have a "normal" vagina.

Like negative body image, worry that your lady parts are unattractive can seriously undermine your sexual confidence, and it's led many women to undergo surgical procedures to attain a more "desirable" vagina. 

The porn industry in particular has been instrumental in changing cultural conceptions of what a vagina "should" look like in order for it to be sexually appealing. (Heaven forbid any part of the female body escape evaluation by today's often unrealistic beauty standards.) 

This anxiety about vaginal appearance was the inspiration behind the Large Labia Project, a Tumblr that encourages women to celebrate the beauty of their vulvas by submitting "vagina selfies." Collectively, the photos deliver a message we all need to hear: Whether you're shaven or unshaven, have large labia or small, there's nothing wrong with your vagina. Try to appreciate it as much as your partner(s) already do(es). 

4. I'm bad at sex. 

Let's face it: Mediocre sex is no fun for anyone involved. But before you start berating yourself for your lack of sexual prowess, bear in mind that good sex has more to do with how committed two people are to giving each other pleasure than how advanced their moves are. 

There are a lot of factors that go into creating a less-than-steamy sex session, so if you're feeling unsatisfied, consider the other conditions that may be putting a damper on your sex life. Sub-par sex could be the result of feeling uncomfortable with your partner, or it could be that you're still learning what really turns you on. 

With the right person and a little experimenting, you can have stellar sex -- it's just a matter of build up your confidence (see #2) and comfort level with your partner. And of course, as with anything else in life, practice makes perfect.

5. Sex with my partner will eventually get boring/routine. 

Contrary to popular belief, married couples actually report having more regular sex and higher levels of sexual satisfaction than those who are single or in unmarried relationships. As many married couples can tell you, sex within a committed relationship doesn't have to be monotonous -- in fact, it can be the best kind of sex. 

There's a high level of comfort and intimacy, not to mention that your partner knows what you want and exactly how to give it to you. Women's levels of desire have been shown to gradually decrease over time in committed relationships. If your sex routine is getting a little stale, experts recommend talking openly to your partner about your sexual needs and trying new things (role play and/or sex toys) to turn the heat back up. 

6. My sex drive is too low. 

If you're suffering from a lack of desire, you're not alone: A 2008 survey of over 30,000 women found that increasing numbers of women report sexual problems, including 10 percent of women ages 18 to 44 who reported low sexual desire. What you need to know is that it's not your fault: Low sex drive could be the result of certain forms of birth control, lack of sleep or taking antidepressants. 

Stress, depression and relationship issues can also be the culprits. If you're not sure what's dampening your desire, talk to your gynecologist -- the good news is that there are many ways to boost a low libido. 


7. I've had too many (or not enough) sexual partners. 

Some of us will experience many different types of sex, while others will only experience one type of sex with one partner. When it comes to sexual experience, there is no "normal." 

You've grown and learned from your experiences, whatever and however many they may be, so don't stress about which end of the spectrum (women aged 30-44 report an average of four sexual partners, according to the Kinsey Institute) your number of partners falls on. As Entertainment Weekly critic Lisa Schwarzbaum put it in a review of the flop 2011 "What's Your Number?", "Who in this day and age is counting?”

8. My STD is going to ruin my sex life. 

Finding out that you have an STD is difficult, but it isn't a death sentence for your sex life. Eighty percent of sexually-active singles will contract HPV at some point in their lives, and approximately one in four adults living in New York City has genital herpes. 

Your STD might feel like a scarlet "A," but the stigma around these diseases is fading. If you're nervous about telling prospective partners about your situation, try a dating site like positivesingles.com, which is exclusively for individuals with sexually transmitted diseases. I haven't checked whether there is a SA Branch.

9. I'm not having sex right now. 

If it seems like everyone around you is having multiple orgasms and getting it on in public bathrooms while you're stuck in sexual limbo, think again: Half of Americans are unsatisfied with their sex lives, according to a 2012 survey. 

If you're going through a dry spell (and please note: we all do), try to remember that when spring inevitably comes again, having taken a break will mean that you have a better understanding of your sexual and relationship needs -- and be in a better position to ask for them. 

10. I get turned on by things I don't actually want to do in real life. 

Despite the wealth of research that's been done on the subject, there are many aspects of female sexual desire that we still don't understand. What we do know is that a woman's capacity for arousal is generally far more fluid than a man's. In an often-cited 2009 study , men and women were shown clips of a variety of sexual activities -- sex between men and women, homosexual sex, animal sex, and more -- and found that while straight men were aroused by heterosexual and lesbian sex, women were more aroused across the board. 

However, although women experienced physical arousal, they didn't report being turned on. Their conclusion? When it comes to sex, our minds and bodies are frequently in disagreement. If you're a straight woman having lesbian fantasies, or you have domination fantasies that may not be in line with your feminist values, remember that desire isn't always logical, moral, or politically correct. 

Fantasizing about something doesn't necessarily mean you want to act it out in reality. And if you find that you do, it's possible to act out fantasies in a safe way. The important thing is not to berate yourself for your desires

Orgasms – the good, the bad and the great! Part 2

Orgasms – the good, the bad and the great!

Part 2

How to find your Orgasm?

So now we have identified some of the reasons you cannot orgasm we can try to help you along the path to great orgasms.

The medical complications are the easiest to deal with. A visit to your GP, tweaking your medication, sorting out hormone levels is relatively easy to do although many cannot talk to their doctor about the problems they are experiencing – it means you have to talk about sex!

We refer our clients to a sex positive GP we work with and if you want her number just give the Lola Montez Boutique a call on 0861 LOLAMO and we’ll refer you.

Sexual technique is another easy fix. We’ll talk to you about trying different positions, learning new foreplay techniques and how to communicate your needs to your partner.

Try watching Yoni or Lingam Massage DVD’s available in store or read the tips and techniques regularly shared on this blog.

It’s when we get to the mental issues that things get a bit more difficult to resolve. If issues are related to abuse, mental or physical we urge you to seek professional help and again we have several sexologists and therapists we can refer you to. We will also give you some sound solid advise and homework.

The homework starts with you coming to terms with your body. 

You need to start looking at yourself naked and while you’re at it have a really good look at your genitals. 

The easiest way to do this is to lie in an empty bath. Get your mirror and have a really good look at your vagina. Get your fingers involved. Find your clitoris and see how much it looks like a mini penis. Pull the hood back, check your inner and outer labia (the lips). You may need a bit of lube to make it more pleasurable. Try the Montez Play Water Based Lubricant. Check out your vagina entrance and if you’re brave enough insert your fingers and feel how wonderful, soft and velvety your vagina is.

If you are feeling too uncomfortable - stop. There is always later.

Repeat until you are completely comfortable with the process.

Then it’s time to move on – while your fingers are inside see if you can find your G-Spot and then find out what makes you feel good. Everyone’s body is different. Your special spot may be two fingers up and one finger over. If you know what feels good and where to find it you’ll know how to guide your partner.

Try to bring yourself to orgasm just using your hand. If you can great – keep practicing.

See which rhythms or pressures please you most. And then we recommend introducing a vibrator for extra pleasure. Try an Ammunition Bullet, Egg Vibrator or Lelo Nea.

If you still can’t find your orgasm bring out the big guns - The Fairy Wand.

This is a multi speed vibrator in the likeness of the Hitachi Wand. It is electrical so it never goes flat. We love the Fairy Wand for clitoral stimulation because it does not look like a penis but rather like a massager you can use on sore muscles.

This is important especially if you have preconceived ideas about vibrators. We love it more because its vibration is so strong that you needn’t put it anywhere near your genital area to receive extreme pleasure from it. 

And if at first you don’t succeed – just keep trying. But don’t chase the orgasm just enjoy the journey and the rest will follow. When you feel yourself starting to peak finish the orgasm with your hand because let’s face it – your partner is never going to vibrate.

Now you know what you are looking for – it’s time to introduce your partner to the party. We recommend using toys as a special treat. Show your partner what you’ve learnt and guide him. 

Use the vibrator to get you close to orgasm and then let your partner take you over – win – win!

Orgasms – the good, the bad and the great! Part 1

Orgasms – the good, the bad and the great!

Part 1

At Lola Montez we are often asked about not being able to orgasm. It’s important to know is that just because you aren’t having orgasms, and even if you’ve never had an orgasm, that doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t have an orgasm.

There are many reasons why you may believe you can’t orgasm.

It’s worth pointing out that there are lots of great sexual acts that don’t involve orgasms. But if you’re goal is to orgasm, read on.

When we’re asked about not being able to orgasm, we start with asking the following questions:

·         Have you ever had an orgasm (this includes an orgasm from masturbation)?

·         Do you masturbate with any regularity?

·         Do you think you’d know an orgasm if you had one?

The first question is important because, particularly for women, many who have never had an orgasm simply need the right information, encouragement and permission.

If you’ve already had orgasms and now find you can’t orgasm, it’s probably not something as straightforward as knowing where to touch yourself and how. Not that one situation is more hopeful or hopeless than the other, they’re just different and the paths to orgasm may be different.

The masturbation question is important because if you aren’t having orgasms, it can be much easier to learn to orgasm through masturbation than through sex with a partner. If you aren’t comfortable with masturbation it can make the process a bit more difficult (though again, not impossible). But I would encourage you to get comfortable with your own body as this could be more than half your problem.

I recently attended a Brunch with Dr Ruth who openly spoke about the benefits of masturbation and understanding your orgasm.

 If you don’t know whether you’ve had an orgasm or not then chances are you haven’t – so keep reading.

The next step in helping you identify the reason you can’t orgasm. The best way to do this is start to think of the different parts involved in orgasm and see where the problem may be starting.  

• Is your libido in the toilet? If you don’t feel like having sex or you don’t enjoy having sex this may be part of the reason you do not orgasm.
• Do you want to have sex (the desire part) but find that once you start having sex you don’t get very turned on (the arousal part)?
• Do you want to have sex, get turned on, but find you can never quite make it over the top to have an orgasm (the actual orgasm part)?

Next, think about some of the more direct causes of not having an orgasm. Here is a list of some of the main reasons people have difficulty orgasm.

When Your Body Can’t Orgasm

Because orgasm is an event that involves so many systems in your body (neurological, anatomical, muscular, hormonal, respiratory, the list goes on) there may be physical reasons you aren’t having orgasms.

Reduced sensation as a result of paralysis, aging, or some medications, the indirect effects of chronic illness, some diseases, and physical effects of medications can all get in the way of orgasm so speak to your family doctor to either rule out, or discover, potential physical causes.

The good news is that there are very few purely physical causes of orgasm that can’t be worked around.

When Your Mind Can’t Orgasm

Many definitions of orgasms describe orgasm as equal parts mental and physical experience. So it makes sense that our mental state, both how we feel and how we think, can get in the way of our ability to orgasm.

In order to orgasm you need to be able to relax, focus, and concentrate enough to take in the pleasurable feelings. You may need some help from your fantasies for this one.

Health issues such as depression, anxiety, PTSD can all make it difficult to orgasm. Aside from these health labels, if you’re feeling very stressed out, very down about yourself, or generally “off” it can prevent you from experiencing orgasm.

When Your Relationship Can’t Orgasm

It’s not uncommon for someone to be able to orgasm during masturbation but have difficulty having and orgasm with a partner.

If you’re consistently able to have an orgasm when masturbating but never do with a partner, there may be one of few things getting in the way. The easiest one to fix is when the problem is one of sexual technique.

It also might be a problem in the relationship unrelated to sex with this particular partner.

While this isn’t necessarily the case, having an orgasm requires relaxation and trust, and if you’re in a relationship that doesn’t feel safe, or where there isn’t enough trust, orgasms may not come. This lack of trust may be unrelated to your current partner but rather a legacy from some other trauma including sexual or physical abuse.

Lastly, if you are having orgasms on your own but can’t with a partner it may be related to pressure or anxiety you’re feeling during sex with your partner.

How Medication Gets in the Way of Your Orgasms

Many different medications can get in the way of you having an orgasm. Medication can impact orgasm either through direct effects on your body or indirectly by making you feel more tired, reducing your ability to concentrate, or negatively affecting your mood.

If you can’t orgasm and you are taking any medication, check with the doctor who prescribes the medication.

How Sexual Technique Gets in the Way of Your Orgasms

The right sexual technique won’t guarantee an orgasm, but without it the chances of having one go way down.

Fortunately, the right sexual technique to achieve an orgasm isn’t rocket science. What’s needed is the right amount of stimulation, in the right area, and of the right kind.

Once you know how to give yourself an orgasm it’s just a question of taking that learning into your sexual relationship with a partner.

How Society Gets in the Way of Your Orgasms

This may be one of most subtle influences on your ability to orgasm but it can still have a powerful effect. Here are just a few of the ways that society and the culture around you influence your ability to experience orgasm:

·         Quality and amount of sex education you receive

·         Messages you were raised with and contend with today about your body

·         Values and beliefs about sexual health and sexual pleasure

·         Values and beliefs about sexuality and gender

The impact of being inundated by sex negative messages should not be ignored when considering why you may not be having orgasms.

This is particularly true for women who are routinely told that “good girls” aren’t sexual and that they must hide or be ashamed of their sexual desire and power.

Tomorrow in Part 2, I'll share some tips and techniques on how to get yourself to orgasm!