Oral Sex 101 - the toned down version

Whenever we have a ladies night with the theme ‘How to give the perfect BJ’, the event sells out. It would seem, to women, that giving oral pleasure is one of the techniques in our arsenal that we feel relatively insecure about.

When we offer a similar event for men, guess what the bookings are like – None, I lie, maybe one!

So why do woman believe that they know nothing and wish to learn and men don’t?

Is it an ego thing with men? Do you believe that you know everything (learnt from porn naturally) or do you know your skills are lacking but are too macho to admit it or to attend a function where you will learn how to do something sexual in front of other men?

The oral question also features high on the questions women ask at another evening we host called ‘Inside his dirty mind’.

So what is this obsession? If we go back to the original sex manual – The Karma Sutra, the pleasures of oral sex were not encouraged. Remember that the caste system was very strong when the Karma Sutra was written. Men were encouraged only to experience oral sex with women of a lower caste! It was considered a vile act with someone of your own standing.

When I talk to women of the night they confirm that most of their clients want oral sex more than any other sexual act. This could be happening for many reasons and the ones that come to mind are – partners are doing it wrong, partners won’t participate or it’s just better getting it from someone who isn’t your partner.

When it comes to women receiving oral pleasure, insecurities that you didn’t even know you had come creeping out. Do I taste funny? Is my pubic hair trimmed in the right way and let’s not talk about smells. I can guarantee that none of these questions will cross a man’s mind.

So why is that? I know that I have heard one too many fish jokes to feel comfortable with my crotch. Do men really think that fish jokes are funny and do they believe that they smell as fresh as Staysoft? So from today NO MORE fish jokes! You’re screwing with our pleasure.

Women have also been lead to believe that their genitals are ugly, that if their labia are not sweet little tucks – like porn stars, then best they are kept tucked away from sight. No wonder we have so many hang ups. For those of you who don’t know – your genitals, like your face is unique to you. Yes we all have the same set of tools but the look, feel and setting is a bit different. Men know this because unlike women they can see their genitals every time they go to the bathroom. They compare, they measure and discuss. They know they are not hung like Brad Armstrong, so why do they expect my nether region to look like Jenna Jameson?

Did you know that the average woman will only look at her genitals after the birth of her first child, and then it’s really isn’t that pretty. Think about that for one second guys. Imagine never having seen the one part of your body that is going to be responsible for most of your pleasure until after the birth of your first child? Mind blowing!

Many many women have no idea where the clitoris, G-Spot or perineum is. And did you know that a penis has a frenulum? It’s the most sensitive spot on the penis. If you have no idea what I’m talking about I have fantastic drawings of male and female genitals with labels in my book ‘Play Together‘ (available on Amazon Kindle Books), or you could just Google it – be prepared for what you’ll find.

I digress, back to oral sex. How to give and how to receive, both male and female, does require some technique, practice and guidance. Follow instructions, listen for clues that you are doing something right or wrong. Plan an evening of practice with no other agenda but learning how to please your partner in this most intimate of acts.

This may be incredibly uncomfortable at first. So why not start with kissing on the mouth. Simulating what you think will feel good. Experiment with different pressures, use the breath. Play.

Discuss why this technique is important to you. Why you want to or why you don’t. It all leads to a better understanding of your body and your psyche. It will inevitably lead to increased intimacy.

Whenever I talk about oral sex I am reminded of a joke – no not a fish joke, I heard before I got married.

A groom is standing at the front of the church with the biggest smile on his face. The Best Man comments that the Groom looks like the happiest man on the planet. The Groom replies ‘I am. I’m marrying a woman who gives the best blow job ever!’ Lucky man indeed.

In the vestry, the Bride is adding the last touches to her make up with the biggest smile on her face. The Bridesmaid comments on how happy the Bride looks. The Bride’s reply, ‘Of course I’m happy, I’ve just given my last blow job!’ 

If you would like to learn oral techniques, that are a lot more graphic than is allowed in this column, then go to my blog. I give you a blow by blow account. Stay sexy till next week.

Oral Sex 101

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Keeping Romance Alive - The final week!

Week 25

It's been 25 weeks of romance and I'm considering continuing but I need some fresh ideas! 

Let me know which one's you enjoyed the most or whether you have any great romantic ideas to share!

Use glow in the dark stars to create a message that says “I Love You” over their bed.

That also brings us to the end of the month of Romance! 

Hope you got spoiled, loved and lusted after. 

Don't forget to let me know what you'd like to read about next!

Let's talk about Sex with our Toddlers

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LCS - Question 4

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Women in History

March is Women in History Month, so I'd just like to take a moment to say thank you to those who came before us.

The original Lola Montez was born in Ireland but went on to make a name for herself on 4 different Continents.

I am often asked why I chose a courtesan for the Lola Montez Brand so if you've ever wondered here is why:

Courtesans were the first women to be educated. They were the first women who were allowed into libraries and to own property in their own name. They were also the first women to be lobbyists and they understood the art of love. I suppose I also resonate with them because they lived by their own rules and always lived on the fringes of polite society.

In many ways they led the way for gender equality.

Helena Rubenstein and Elizabeth Arden are two other women who showed that nothing can keep a good woman down. You’ll recognize their names from the cosmetic industry. They were both multi- millionaires on four continents before women had the vote!

Today we have Oprah who blazed her way into television, radio and print media.

But what about all the others who we should know but don’t. Marie Curie, Physicist, she pioneered the study of radioactivity. She won two Nobel Prizes, the first person to do so. She was also the first woman to win one.

Rosalind Franklin, a British biophysicist who helped discover the shape of DNA and Maxine Singer who helped unlock the secrets of genetic code. Lise Meitner with her colleague Otto Hahn discovered nuclear fusion.

Maria Mitchell was an astronomer discovered a comet known as ‘Miss Mitchell’s Comet’. She was the first woman to become a member of the American Academy of Arts and Sciences.

Shirley Ann Jackson besides all the work she did as a Physicist was the first African American woman to earn her PhD from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Mae Jemison, Astronaut, the first African American woman to travel on board the Space Shuttle Endeavour in September 1992.

Then there are the Primatologists, Jane Goodall and Dian Fossey who transformed the way we study and look at primate behavior.

The suffragettes who went to prison so women today could have the vote. And let us not forget the women who fought in our very own struggle against apartheid. Ruth First, Albertina Sisulu, Helen Suzman and Nadine Gordimer.

To all these women and the thousands of others who remain nameless – Thank you.

Why not add your Wonder Woman to our list.   

Keeping Romance Alive - Week 24

We're almost there - 25 Weeks of Romance!

Week 24

Take a long walk with your partner in the countryside.  While you are out, make a point of finding a stone or smooth object and show it to your sweetie. Later, have it engraved with the date you found it together.

LCS - Question 3

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Love it or hate it Valentine’s Day is here again and if you’re in a relationship let me give you a heads up… You may be doomed if you do but you are definitely damned if you don’t!

I don’t care if your partner says not to bother, it’s a commercial scam, they’re not romantic - make an effort. It doesn’t have to cost you a leg and an arm as my hairdresser Sam says.

I’m one of those unromantic women who couldn’t be bothered and even I feel slightly let down when my partner who I instructed not to do anything – obeys and doesn’t do anything.

So here are some ideas for Valentine’s Day.

This year Valentine’s Day is on a Saturday so it may be possible to let your lover sleep in for a little longer. Make breakfast, brunch or lunch. You can cook together or let your lover have the day off for an additional spoil. My favourite – coffee in bed with a piece of chocolate. Try www.delish.com for recipes to make your mouth water.

I’d like the romance to last more than just a day and if you are really broke – why not make your own love vouchers, promising to do a chore, give a massage, act out a fantasy or do some sexual favour that you know he’s being dying to try.

Chocolate and flowers are always a win, I just object to paying triple for red roses at this time of year, so add a spin. You can purchase roses that are actually panties folded into a rose shape and how about body chocolate instead of the usual slab?

Personally I detest going on a picnic. I hate eating on my lap or on the floor. Why not still serve picnic food but set a table with all the romantic trimmings out in the garden. Feed each other, the messier the better. You still need a picnic blanket – weather permitting you can cuddle up and look at the stars otherwise build a tent in the lounge and snuggle if the children are around or a bit more if they’re not!

Book into a hotel for a night of hot sex and room service. Pack all the goodies you will need for a night to remember. Sexy lingerie, an Naughty Night Kit, lubricant, condoms, a toy or three and don’t forget to take some erotica to read to each other. It helps get you in the mood and beats having to watch the awful programmes lined up for Saturday Night Television. 

50 Shades of Grey, the movie is being released across the country on Valentine’s Day. If the movie has as much affect on women’s libidos as the books did then many, many partners, are in for a wonderful weekend. Because I’m talking about Valentine’s Day ideas I’m not going to address the various views about 50 Shades of Grey – that is a subject for another day.   

Write a love letter, with a pen and paper – you don’t have to be a poet. Just tell your lover why you love her or him. Is it the dimple in his chin, or that she makes you cottage pie when you’re feeling grumpy. If you really can’t write your own words, you can always copy out a love poem. 

Make something that symbolizes your love for your significant other. If you bake make a heart shaped cake, you get the idea.

Why not plan a weekend away? You’ve probably blown this one already so present the gift as an IOU and then pay your debt. Don’t just make it common garden variety weekend away – do something different, go somewhere you have never been before. What about staying in a tree house. www.treehouse-acc.co.za or www.pezulu.co.za/treehouses

Do something that he loves and you hate or visa versa. It will make you feel holier than thou and me may be able to trade on this for a while it might even get you some very special nookie in unexpected places. Think about something you really hate doing and your partner loves – Going to the nursery and then helping in the garden, sorting out the garage, browsing – anywhere, shopping for clothes and actually watching her try things on.

I know this one has been flogged to death but it is still a goody. Requires some preparation but can be pulled off with minimum effort. The long, hot, wet, bath. If you are really into it leave a trail of something leading to the bathroom, chocolate, rose petals, naughty notes anything that is easy to clean up afterwards.

Valentine’s day can be celebrated in many different ways, whether you are in a relationship or not. I think it’s the one holiday that has to include an orgasm at the very least. Play if only for 10 minutes it will do you the world of good.

Keeping Romance Alive - Week 23

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and if you've been following our advise for the past 23 Weeks it won't matter what you do you'll be getting all the romance you need. 

Hopefully you've been to the Lola Montez Boutique and purchased some fun toys for tomorrow! 

Having said that here is our romantic tip Week 23

Week 23 
Daytime or nigh time have dinner or lunch on a rooftop somewhere.  Spread a picnic and make sure you won’t be disturbed.

Bondassage

7 February 2015

Play Together - pg 14

I love watching people’s faces when they ask me what I do. ‘I’m in the sex industry’ – count 1,2,3. They’re either thinking she’s too old to be a hooker – maybe the Madam! Then they either giggle and say ‘that’s interesting’ and move away or I’ve given them permission to talk about sex.

The reality is that I’m neither a hooker nor a Madam. I consider myself a relationship engineer and I talk about sex a lot, and this is what this column is all about – sex and relationships. So if you don’t want to read about sex now is the time to stop reading.

This February there is a huge hype about 50 Shades of Grey – The Movie. Next week we are sponsoring more than 1200 goody bags for a variety of Premiers. Love it or hate it, 50 Shades has opened the discussion about BDSM (Bondage & Discipline, Domination & Submission, Sadism & Masochism).

Some mistakenly believe that BDSM is all about pain. Some do enjoy pain and others don’t. I don’t. Smack my arse and I’ll smash your face – but I’m not opposed to a bit of sensory deprivation.

There is this new thing called ‘Bondassage’. It’s a combination of bondage and massage – now this appeals to my inner kitty. Prrr.

Learning the art of Bondassage will open up new aspects of your sensual side. Created in 2008 by a massage therapist Jaelee Bennis, the play involves mild restraint and sensory deprivation. Bondassage requires honest communication, sensual massage and basic bondage. It brings BDSM play out of the dungeons and into a warm, candle lit bedroom. It makes this kind of play accessible for anyone with a healthy curiosity about love, sexual energy and self awareness.

This type of play and intimacy doesn’t just happen. It requires intention, preparation and communication. You have to have a pre play discussion. You cannot just arrive with your whips and chains. Your partner will run screaming to Sandton City. During the pre play discussion you’ll talk about possibilities, soft and hard limits and don’t forget your safe word. (It’s the word you use when you want play to stop immediately).

You’ve had the conversation, now you have to the play. Prepare the room. Room temperature is important, remember one or both of you will be naked. You will also need the following goodies for your play: sheets, you may not want to use your expensive Egyptian Cotton Sheets. Towels, wet and dry, warm massage oil, try a massage candle or coconut oil, bondage gear and toys. If you’re a beginner, I would avoid rope. It can be tied too tight or you could use the wrong knots. You don’t want anything turning blue. Soft silk ties, leather restraint or fluffy cuffs will all do the trick.

For sensory play you will also need: feather ticklers, fluffer (fur like mittens), blindfold, sexy foods, music and unthreatening sex toys (try a Pocket Rocket or Wand).

Prepare your playlist and check your headphones ahead of time. Wireless headphones are the bomb for this play. You’re going to use the music to deprive your partner of hearing you in the room. It heightens all the other senses. Choose music that promotes relaxation and doesn’t distract. You don’t want your partner singing along to Abba. Check that your iPod is charged and ready.  Adjust the sound levels – you don’t want bleeding ears. Make sure everything works – like a sound check at a concert.

Great lighting makes anyone with hail damage feel more comfortable about being naked. So turn the lights down if you can, light candles if you can’t. Thinking about it now, candles are probably a better option with all the load shedding. With that in mind keep a torch handy. You may need it to undo the knots if Eskom does oblige.

Additional supplies you might find useful: lubricant, safe sex barriers – condoms, latex gloves, dental dams (check if your partner has a latex allergy), tissues, wet wipes, safety scissors, water, finger foods like chocolate, fresh fruit, sherbet, all part of sensory play. Pillows to make your partner more comfortable and a warm blanket for after play cuddles. Check your hands and nails, you don’t want a hang nail catching on a naughty bit.

Introduce your partner to the playroom. Everything is already set up. You don’t want to keep popping out of the room to collect something else you’ve forgotten. Your partner then takes their place on the bed. Restrain to a level that is comfortable, wrists, arms, legs. Blindfold and apply the headphones, check that your partner is comfortable.

Now all you need are some basic massage moves. Explore your partner’s erogenous zones. The entire body from the outside edge of the little finger, to the nape of the neck, are all hot spots. Avoid the three primary erogenous zones, breasts and nipples, mouth and genitals. Leave them for last. If you don’t really know how to massage just remember to use your whole hand with long slow strokes.

Massage until your partner is completely relaxed. Let the sense play begin using the supplies you have prepared. The secret to success is – the slower, the better. Listen to your partner’s body and if the safe word is called – STOP immediately.

When the play is finished, undo the restraints, cover your partner with the blanket and cuddle up. It will take about 15 to 30 minutes to come out of the zone. This play is about pleasing your partner and increasing intimacy, not about getting your rocks off, although more often than not, you will be rewarded.

Be safe and sexy till next week.

LCS - Question 2

2   I wouldn’t leave the house without …

These questions have been taken from a game called Love Conversation Starters. Use them to increase intimacy in your relationship.

I’d love to hear your answers – please comment, share and post. 

Follow my blog to ensure that you do not miss the #Loveconversationstarters #LCS.

Product of the week

Clit Clip

Keep Romance Alive - Week 22

We live in a day and age where lives are busy and schedules are swamped.  The working day is also a little more versatile than it has been in days past, and people are working longer hours or irregular shifts.  This can put a damper on your love life, but this should not discourage you from enjoying you and your partner no matter what time of day it is.  

Romance is not just for evenings anymore, and here we have a list of 25 things you can do during the day, or during the evening that will help ensure you make the most of every second with your lover.

Week 22

Have a picnic with finger foods and fun things to eat.  The only rule? No utensils allowed, and no eating unless it is being fed to you.

Love Conversation Starters

Run out of things to say to your partner? 

Every week I will post Love Conversation Starters taken from a wonderful game I purchased a couple of years ago. At the end of the period - I'll share my personal answers. 

I'll post the first #loveconversationstarter, #LCS tomorrow. 

Follow my blog to ensure that you don't miss any #LCS.

LCS - First Question

Love Conversation Starters

1                     My favourite love song is…

What's yours - let me know - share and comment - Don't forget to visit our site for sexy gifts, ideas and articles - www.lolamontez.co.za 

Toy for the week: 

Ammunition Bullet