Vibrators - Penis Shaped

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A few things we'd LOVE to tell you.

It’s been a hell of a week hasn’t it? I’m exhausted just thinking about everything I’ve had to deal with and I’ve no doubt that I am not alone. I’m left wondering if life ever just skips along without this constant battle to survive and be understood? 

Make no mistake I have chosen to be who I am and so cannot claim to be a victim although some days I wonder. 

For women some things seem to be a little more difficult. This week #TED2016 is on in Vancouver and TEDxJohannesburg streamed it live for us to watch. One of the speakers Reshma Saujani was the founder of Girls who Code. Her talk was all about how if we want women to be part of the new economy we not only need to teach them to code, we have to also teach them to be brave, for women to take risks and to ultimately speak up. 

Women don’t speak up for a number of reasons but mostly it’s because we don’t want to be judged or disliked. This unfortunate trait permeates through almost every aspect of our lives, from the bedroom to the boardroom. 

So in the spirit of bravery I am going to tell you a couple of things about sex that many women would love you to know but are too polite or afraid to say.

You think that banging away for hours is sexy and everything we’ve ever wanted in a man, it’s not. Too little or too much are equally disappointing. Premature ejaculation leaves us frustrated and marathon sessions leave us sore. Keeping your orgasm for after hers is a wonderful thing but then be polite and have your orgasm as well. 

Make no mistake there is a time and a place for marathon sex but is probably not mid week or after a day like I just had. Come to terms with the truth, once we’ve had an orgasm your continued pounding becomes painful and boring. You may think you’re a porn star worth filming – but you’re not. 

Marathon sex needs buckets of lubricant and the one thing we are all hoping for more of – time!

She is probably giving you subtle signs that she would like you to finish, after all we are not all brave enough to say ‘If you don’t come now I’m going to get really irritated’.

We know when you trying to sneak your penis into an orifice other than our vagina. I don’t know how stupid you think we are? It never just happens ‘by accident’ but we keep quiet and humour you because we are too afraid to shame you, so we shame ourselves instead. If it’s something you want to do – talk about it first and explore the options together. Much more fun for both of us. 

Contrary to popular belief the best sex moves are not learned from Porn and we know when you’ve been watching it and want to try something new. We know that this is where you get most of your tricks and mostly they are overrated and don’t work. 

And just so you know, many of us know exactly what give us pleasure we just don’t know how to tell you. We’re afraid we might dent your ego but more than that we are terrified you are going to judge us and then call us that glorious word – slut! 

Unless we invite you, don’t send us a picture of your penis. It’s just wrong and so disrespectful. You may think it’s the most magnificent thing you’ve ever seen, for us – not so much! 

Our bodies get extremely sensitive when aroused so rather be gentle than rough, unless you are invited to be otherwise. Pick up on the body language, how hard is she kissing you back? 

I have a friend who says ‘If you have to tell him how to pull your hair, good feeling gone!’ 

We want you to be confident and to take charge, we just always know how to let you. We do want it on our own terms. It is confusing I know but learn how to read the signs, we are far more transparent than you think. 

There are those of us who are lucky can pop out orgasms on demand and then there are some of us who have to work really hard to get there and sometimes it’s just too much effort. That does not mean that we are not experiencing pleasure or intimacy. We do enjoy the journey and often don’t need to get to the destination. 

It does not mean that your technique sucks or that we don’t want you. It just means right now, hunting down that orgasm, through the forest, over the river and up the hill is just too much to contemplate. So let it go. 

Women are complicated I know, our moods and desires shift like the sand in the Sahara, but we’re worth it but ultimately it’s up to both of you to speak up. 

Ask for what you want and communicate about the hard stuff. Talk about what you like and what you don’t because it will save you years of terrible and unsatisfactory sex because after a week like I’ve had life is far too short. 

Don’t forget you can let me know what you think or let me know what you want to hear about Sharon@lolamontez.co.za.

Swallow right stuff for Great Libido

  
I’ve been thinking about what I put in my mouth quite a lot recently , get your mind out of the gutter – I’m talking about food and more particularly about the types of food we should be eating to boost libido. It’s not the kind of thing you are going to learn in home economics so I had to do some research. And guess what I found? 

The foods that are alleged to boost your libido are also excellent for your general health and well being, which should not really come as any surprise. 

We all know that being healthy both physically and mentally are all essential for an excellent sex life. If you are stressed, suffering from hypertension, depression, diabetes or any cardio vascular problems chances are your sexy parts aren’t working as well as they should. Add a pinch of out of kilter hormones and your libido is lost on a dune somewhere in the Sahara Desert. 

I use the Sahara in the driest sense of the word. When you lose your libido it feels as if your entire sex life dries up with it. Some of us learn to live with it and just don’t bother to fix it, which in turn leads to all sorts of other relationship problems. Some of us go in search of a solution. We will try anything to make it better. We start with lotions, potions and pills. We look for the quick fix because living a healthy lifestyle requires discipline and let’s face it, is quite expensive. 

If you’re like me life is a constant battle between managing my weight, cholesterol, sweet tooth and libido. Too many eggs and you may have high cholesterol but at least you’ll be thin and they’re great food for your libido. So what to do? 

Do libido super foods really work? The chemistry says they should but I wonder with all the preservatives, pesticides and refrigeration around whether fresh food maintains its integrity. 

Eating super foods has also got to be eaten with intention. Gobbling down strawberries or blackberries while you’re on the run versus eating them slowly, crushing them against your pallet, feeling the juice run down your chin and getting your lover to lick it off ... you get the drift!

Let’s talk about Broccoli, full of vitamin C which aids blood circulation to all your organs including your genital. Make it a staple vegetable with your meal. 

The flip side is that Broccoli makes body fluids taste bitter. So whilst it may be great for your libido you may want to avoid it if you’re planning to have oral sex!

In many convents around the world until fairly recently, certain herbs and spices were blacklisted. It now seems as if the Sisters may have known a thing or two about the link between food and libido. 

Ginger, ginseng, saffron, cloves and garlic to name a few. Add a little cumin and cinnamon and you’ve got a handful of tasty sexy and sensual aphrodisiacs. 

The simple Iceberg Lettuce contains an opiate that helps activate sex hormones, it’s also slimming. 

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that one bowl of lettuce with a splash of ginger is going to make you a sex god or goddess. You have to eat properly as a part of your constant lifestyle. 

Now let’s assume that you do follow this eating protocol as a life style, you will lose weight, your health will improve and with this your self esteem will be boosted and what happens as a side effect is that we start to like ourselves a little more. 

If we like ourselves a little more sex starts to feel a bit better, orgasms become easier and Voila, the libido booster super foods have worked. 

I know that I sound cynical but I’m not it’s just that I believe in moderation. Eat well, sleep eight hours a day, drink two litres of water a day and exercise 4 times a week and your life is bound to improve. It’s just that all of that requires so much discipline and that my beloved readers what is missing from most our lives. 

Remember that you have to make a start somewhere so pop out and purchase a basket full of fresh fruit and veggies, filled with vital amino acids and vitamins. I will publish a list of the most beneficial ones on my blog www.sharongordon.blogspot.co.za. 

World's Best Selling Vibes - Rabbits

Rabbit Vibes

We call them rabbit vibes but they come in an array of different designs including dolphins, beavers, birds, butterflies etc. They may vary in materials, colour or vibration speed  but they all do the same thing - give immense pleasure.

Rabbit style vibrators are used for both penetration and clitoral stimulation all at the same time.

The shaft, the bit that one uses for penetration can move up and down (see Thrusting Rabbit) or move around in a swirling motion (see Jumping Rabbit, the cousin of Roger Rabbit). 

One can bend the shaft for a more exaggerated swirl. Some even have beads in the shaft that rotate giving an additional sensation. The swirl and the beads are great for G-Spot stimulation. 

While all this is going on inside the rabbit is vibrating and stimulating the clitoral area.

These are still the world’s best selling vibes.  

The Rabbit Vibrator was originally made famous by Charlotte from Sex and the City fame.

We all owe her some gratitude for making owning one of these babies okay! Even Oprah has started talking about sex toys! The rabbit was featured as one of her favourite things in the June 2006 issue. 

This vibrator is usually battery operated. But recently more sophisticated models have entered the market. Try the Lelo Soreya, Lealso Massager or Je Joue Fifi. These models are manufactured out of silicone and are rechargeable. Read my previous blog on the differences between battery operated and rechargeable. 

Rabbits are guaranteed orgasm donors. Many women own a rabbit for their personal pleasure but many men love to watch you use them. So don't be shy!

Watch Sharon aka @SaSexpert, talk about Rabbit Vibrators on her YouTube Channel.

The Month to let Cupid's Arrow Fly

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Don't rush it, sex is a precious gift!

 Continuing with last week’s theme I am going to talk about a couple of questions frequently asked by parents and children. The views expressed in this column are mine so take them from whence they come. 

This question gets asked more than any other when I am talking to children/teenagers about sex. I think the sex education children are subjected to in school and their peers is shocking. Sex is dealt with in terms of sperm and eggs, then they move into disease and rape!

The question most asked is: What does sex feel like? 

It’s a tricky question to answer because I don’t want to send them off to the toilets to try it out, but I’m also there to give honest answers. 

Sex is a beautiful thing when you are ready for it. Unfortunately peer pressure and the sexualisation of society makes us believe that if we are not having sex, there is something wrong with us. Nobody can decide whether you are ready to have sex except you! I believe you should wait if you’re not sure and then wait some more. 

Sex will be magical if you understand your own body. So my suggestion is that you should first understand your own body. Grab a mirror and look at the tools you have to work with. Then touch them, soft or hard, fast or slow, see feels good. Masturbate, bring yourself to orgasm. Feel the pleasure. 

Now understand that how your body has reacted is purely biological. It is meant to feel that way. Feeling that tingle when you’re in the movies with your girlfriend or boyfriend does not equate to love, it just means that your body is doing what it is meant to do. 

Do not be bullied into having sex to prove that you love him. If he loves you he should respect your boundaries and wait until you are ready. Think of sex as a precious gift, you wouldn’t want to give it just anyone, so rather wait and satisfy yourself. 

When you are ready, make it special. Don’t have sex somewhere unpleasant, like a public toilet or behind the shed. The first time will imprint your sexual journey forever, make sure it’s a great imprint. 

The next question is: When should I start talking to my children about sex?

When they are born!

Let me be more specific. Answer with the truth when they ask, but start at the beginning. Call body parts by their proper name. A vagina is a Vagina and a penis is a penis. You may be uncomfortable with the correct names or think it’s cute to call the ‘flowers’ or ‘willies’ or even worse ‘machine gun’!

The minute you call the genitals something else you cloak them in shame. They are just body parts. You don’t call fingers ‘feely wheelies’ or a nose a ‘smelly welly’ – so don’t undermine the genitals!

When you answer questions make it age appropriate. When a 3 year old asks where babies come from, tell them the truth. Tell them that a man and a woman can make babies by having sex, not that you can by them at a supermarket or that the stork does a delivery. You are lying!

Your child will believe what you have told them and when they find out the truth they will wonder why you lied and sex will take on an additional mantle of shame and guilt. There is a wonderful course you can do on how to talk to your children about sex in an age appropriate way. Let me know if you’d like the details. 

Lastly for this week, let’s get controversial questions out of the way. So here goes: is it okay to buy a sex toy for my teenage daughter? 

That depends on your daughter! Keeping in mind my attitude towards masturbation and getting your daughters to understand the difference between love and lust, my answer is yes, but...

The but is ensuring that she understands that men do not vibrate and nor are they able to hum for 40 minutes. You do not want to influence her sexual patterning but you do want her to be sexually confident about herself and sex toys. If I had a daughter she would most definitely have a cupboard full of toys. My recommendation is that toys for exploration and fun but let her use the hand for orgasm. 

I think it’s wonderful if you can have the kind of relationship with your daughter that you can think of getting her a toy, but first have the conversation about whether she want one or not and then bring her shopping. 

 As a great first time toy try Ammunition Bullet, Je Joue Mimi

If you have any questions or comments please email me sharon@lolamontez.co.za